Monday, November 8, 2010

Rationalizations R Us Redux

A while back I did a post about my extraordinary ability to rationalize anything.

Now, I'm not generally one to toot my own horn (stop laughing), but I am rather adept at coming up with good excuses. If you doubt this, check out my recent NaNoWriMo post for a list of 10 excellent reasons I'm not participating.

Anyway, I figure November, the gateway to the Holiday Season, is prime time for rationalizing. Who doesn't need a good excuse this time of year?

Here a few freebies for you:

Having trouble getting motivated for the day job? 

~Try telling your boss you're taking a day off to "fortify your immune system" so a nasty flu bug won't keep you from work later, when s/he needs you more. You're only staying home for the good of the company. (Hey, this is not a lie. Sleep is the best way to fortify your immune system. Just sleep when ditch work, and you're golden.)

Can't bear the thought of another Thanksgiving with the in-laws? 

~Try telling your spouse that this is the year you feel yourself on the edge of cracking, and that, in the interest of maintaining harmonious familial relations beyond Turkey Day, you will graciously volunteer to feign illness *cough* just this once. Then stay home, order take-out, and sip wine in a bubble bath. For the sake of the family

Prospect of holiday shopping getting you down? 

~De-commercialization, anyone? You know, the true meaning of any holiday lies in the...yadda-yadda-yadda. You'll have to work on perfecting your sincere face to pull this one off, and if you have  young children...well, good luck. But, really, isn't their long term moral development more important than their excited little faces at gift-opening time?

Don't want to work yourself to a frazzle baking all those holiday goodies this year?

~Honestly, isn't it your civic duty to stimulate the economy and help keep professional bakers employed?

Sick and tired of pre-holiday dieting just so you can enjoy those December parties guilt-free? 

~Carrying a few extra pounds helps stave off osteoporosis. Wearing too-tight clothing for a little while is a small price to pay to prevent a future hip fracture.

Can't keep up with your blog roll?

~Copy the following, and paste it into every blog you visit today:

Wow! What a brilliant and insightful post. You rock! *

So, I am officially open for special requests. Have a situation you need a good rationalization for? Ask away. I will do my best to help. 

*Just so you know, this will cease to be amusing after about the third time somebody pastes that into MY comments... ;)


Teri Anne Stanley said...

wow! what a brilliant and insightful post. You Rock!

One caveat, re: immune system bolstering for the day eliminates the opportunity to take sick days later (although not sure what the statute of limitations is on mental health immunity insurance).

Jessica Lemmon said...

LOL, no really, laughing audibly over here. I think I'll use that Thanksgiving excuse this year... I like it!

Anne Gallagher said...

I love the blog roll line! Priceless.

What's a good rationalization for not finishing up the last of the last of the book? I still have to write the synopsis and a few more little things. Is there a "Synopsis R Us" Store around you?

abby mumford said...

Wow! What a brilliant and insightful post. You are full of rock and roll!

(I personalized it a little bit. You're welcome.)

Seriously though, I LOVE your rationalizations! The first time, the second time, any time of the year. Keep 'em coming.

demery said...

My favorite is how the extra pounds stave off osteoperosis! YES!!! So can you help me rationalize not doing laundry? REALLY don't want to do the laundry today.

Linda G. said...

Teri Anne -- What a brilliant and insightful comment! You rock! (That door swings both ways. *grin*) Re using up sick days: that's the beauty of this excuse. Since you're not sick, they shouldn't dock you a sick day. Since you are, in fact, doing it for the good of the company, they should actually count it as a regular work day. Maybe even pay you time and a half. ;)

Jessica -- Let me know how that works out for you. ;)

Anne -- Since I'm so nice, I'll just give you the last line of your book: THE END. (What? Oh, you meant the second to the last line. Oops.) Re Synopsis R Us: I tried them myself once, but they were always sold out of everything. Finally gave up and did it the hard way. :(

Abby -- Thank you for personalizing it. That means a lot. *wipes tear from corner of eye*

Demery -- The thing about the osteoporosis one is, it's really true! Re the laundry: there are many valid reasons to avoid it. The more you wash clothes, the faster they wear out, for one. But the one that's hard to argure with is being "green" --what's more important, clean clothes or SAVING THE PLANET? Uh-huh. You're welcome. ;)

Summer Frey said...

Heh heh heh...I like this.

But don't tell on me if you see my comment on any other blogs today, okay?

Candyland said...

Wow! What a brilliant and insightful post. You rock!

Kelly Breakey said...

You know I just can't help myself.

Wow! What a brilliant and insightful post. You rock! *

Good stuff. I especially like the one about visiting the family. Unfortunately mine is Xmas and there is not getting out of it. We have to travel. can give me a fool proof reason?

GĂ©nette Wood said...

Oh, Linda, you always have the perfect post for my day. It's nice to have someone who shares my brainwave every now and again.

I'm trying to rationalize that by dropping out of college, I will have more time to write--which is, after all, what I was created to do.

Linda G. said...

Summer -- Ha! Don't want to get busted, eh? Not to worry. Your secret is safe with me. Now, as for the other readers of my blog...who knows? ;)

Candyland -- Why thank you! And I am amazed at the brilliant and insightful comments I'm getting today, too. ;)

Kelly -- Just tell the family it's possible you may have contracted leprosy. (Hey, that's not lying. It's POSSIBLE. Not likely, of course, but that's not the same thing.) And, of course, being the thoughtful relation you are, you wouldn't dream of exposing them to it.

LadyGenette -- Happy to share your brainwaves. :) However, I find I can't help you rationalize your way out of college. Because, really, what better place than academentia to pick up good material to write about? It's worth staying in, and cracking the books, for the living, breathing character source material alone. :)

Jennifer Shirk said...

Hilarious! And you know, osteoporosis does run in my family... I should go get a candybar just to keep those pounds on. LOL

Jessica L. Brooks (coffeelvnmom) said...

Wow. You're brilliant. You *so* rock. (Is that better?)

But seriously... I loved those. And I've started making mix jars for people at Christmas. That way I'm still giving some sort of food, but I get to skip the actual "having to do the baking part" of it. Because, after all, dishes are an abomination anyway, so why would I want to wash dishes dirtied for someone else when I already hate washing them for my own family? ;)

Rose said...

Linda -- You are awesomely funny. I heart your blog. [s]


Jeffe Kennedy said...

Wow! What a brilliant and insightful post. You rock! *

*what? you thought I'd resist?

Linda G. said...

Jennifer -- Yes! It's practically medicinal. ;)

coffeelvnmom -- That IS better. Thanks for personalizing it. And those mix jars are a great idea. We got a wonderful homemade cookie mix from our nephew and his wife last year, and it was so easy. :)

Rosetta! Good to see you here. And thanks. :D

Jeffe -- Ha! Of course not. ;)

Amy DeTrempe said...

I love these. I think I am going to print them off and pin them to the board by my desk so I can refer to them often.

Lola Sharp said...

I can always be sure to have a good solid laugh when I visit here. :) You cracks me up.

Sorry I haven't visited your delightful corner of the blogosphere lately...I'm nano-ing and sequestered. BUT, look at me justifying a break away from writing to visit a few select blogs...all in the name of friendship and I don't want my bloggy friends to think I forgot abut them. :)

Elisabeth Black said...

Haha. Like the juxtaposition of 3 and 4. I'm going to use all of these, whether they're applicable or not.


Can you help me rationalize going out and buying an Egg McMuffin for breakfast this morning instead of taking the time to make my own breakfast?


Bess Weatherby said...

"Honestly, isn't it your civic duty to stimulate the economy and help keep professional bakers employed?"

This is awesome. And so are you. And I would like you to please tell me how I can rationalize my way into buying an ipad . . . for myself . . . during the holidays.

courtney said...

*Prints off blog entry*
*Tucks it in pockets*
*Thanks you profusely*


Linda G. said...

Amy -- I'm honored to be pinned up on your board. :)

Lola -- Always happy to amuse. And don't worry--I understand about NaNo, and am not expecting to see a whole lot of my NoNo-ing buddies this month, especially the closer we get to the end. Happy writing! :)

Elisabeth -- Oh, good. Hope they work out for you. If nothing else, enjoy the bubble bath. :)

Tawna -- Hey, time is money. You are saving the time (and therefore the money) it would take to make your own. Plus, there's that whole supporting the economy category to consider. ;)

Bess -- Aw, thanks. As for your ipad...well, you're a writer. That's justification enough right there. Though TG and my son tell me the MacBook Air is EVEN COOLER than the ipad. ;)

Courtney -- You're very welcome. Just let me know if you need any more. :)

Trisha Leigh said...

I can totally rationalize anything too. Or maybe I just like to argue. When I was a kid my dad used to wonder aloud if I'd be a lawyer. My mother, the glass half empty negative Nelly, replied "Nope. If you're a lawyer your arguments have to be grounded in facts."

Pssssshhhhhh, I say to that. You're my hero.

Linda G. said...

Trisha -- Aw, thanks. I tend to enjoy a good, um, passionate discussion, too. :)

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