Wednesday again? Already??

Ugh. I'm late today. Sorry about that. This post will be lame. Sorry about that, too. 

I'd like to lodge a formal complaint with the universe:

Time is moving too damn fast. Slow it the eff down al-freakin'-ready!

Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, here ya go:

By Peter Dowley from Dubai, United Arab Emirates (Newborn in the desert) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

You may now proceed to "awww." 

And if you have any hints on how to slow down time, I'd love to hear them. (As long as they don't involve dentist waiting rooms. I already know how well that works, and it's not worth it.) 

[Damn it. I just realized I forgot to buy any half-price Easter candy at the grocery store. This really isn't my day.]

Oh, wait. TG just offered me a Manhattan. Things are looking up.

Cheers!

(Yes, that's it. That's all she wrote. Hey, I told you it would be lame.)

Those humps look a bit pointy, but who am I to judge?

Your camel pic for today:

It's a prehistoric cave painting of a camel, on display in the National Museum of Mongolian History in Ulaan Baatar. 

"Why a cave painting?" you may be asking yourself. 

Well, it seems appropriate, as I'm currently hiding in my editing cave, working feverishly on The Big Fix. It's amazing how a few relatively small plot can ripple out through a whole manuscript. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, you're making adjustments all over the place. 

Which is time-consuming enough, but made more so because, as I'm editing, I keep coming up with stuff I want to include in Book 4. So I have to stop editing and write down enough of whatever big idea intruded itself into my psyche to make sure I won't forget it when it comes time to start seriously drafting Book 4 ...

But you don't want to hear about all that. Admit it--you just came here for the camel pic. And that cave painting just isn't going to cut it, am I right?

How about this guy?

Photo courtesy of morguefile.com

He looks like he wants to be friends. Or perhaps like he's calculating the distance to spit on you. One or the other.

Actually, I'm sure he just wants to wish you all a Happy Hump Day! As do I. :)

Okay, back to my cave. Wish me luck! 

Now, that's stinkin' funny!

So, a friend* shared this with me. Can't imagine why she thought I'd be amused...

Okay, okay. I am amused. Fart references are inherently funny. Ask any ten-year-old boy. 

No doubt we decorous (stop laughing!) women of a certain age are supposed to be above this kind of vulgarity. But (heh-heh, I said bu--never mind), seriously? Anything that provides a good laugh without hurting anyone's feelings is all right by me. 

If the painting above is too subtle to inspire a raucous enough release for you, there's always createfarts.com, where you can not only customize your own personal expulsion, but you can also email it to a friend! Or a perhaps a cherished family member. Or to someone whose opinion differs from your own, like that agent or editor who didn't appreciate your genius.**  

May your Hump Day be full of raucous expulsions! (Of laughter, people. Laughter.) 

*Name withheld to protect her decorousness (decorosity?), though she may choose to reveal herself in the comments. 

**Not really recommended. The publishing circle is relatively small, and word gets out. 

Mini-poll:

A. Farts are hilarious!
B. I pretend not to enjoy fart jokes, but laugh on the inside.
C. Farts are a part of nature best ignored.
D. Discussing farts is offensive and I will never visit this blog again.
E. I'm choosing "E" because it doesn't contain that offensive word.

Waiting for Candy!

Don't you just know this guy is stretching out those lips in hopes of something sweet?

Andrew Butko [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Last week I ran a little caption contest. (Click here to see the entrants' caption offerings.) 

All the entries were great! It was a tough decision. I finally had to go with the one that made me giggle with its touch of naughty language. (What can I say? I may have grown up, but my sense of humor retains a certain, um, juvenile Je ne sais quoi.)

Here's the winner:

*Drum roll*

"We'll play later," she said. Right.

I wouldn't have busted my hump if I'd known the bitch was talking about Hide and Seek.

So, Susan Swiderski, stretch out those lips, 'cuz your candy is coming! (Well, as soon as you email your snail mail address to linda(dot)grimes(at)gmail(dot)com.)

Congrats, Susan! And thanks to everyone who took the time to think up a caption. :)

And to everyone, a Happy Hump Day!