Wednesday, November 4, 2015


So, a writer buddy of mine is having a birthday soon. One of the biggies. You know, the kind that ends in a zero. This one begins with a five, so it's extra special, which is why she's getting a whole month's worth of celebration for it. Including, of course (because this is a Wednesday on my blog), this:

If you don't know Patty, you can check out her Amazon page here. As you can see, she's written quite a few books, both YA (Young Adult) and Adult fiction. Trust me, they are good

Anyway, Patty, for some reason, is finding this birthday to be a bit of a challenge. So a bunch of us are helping to ease the sting by showing her it's not all bad. (Check out Patty's Virtual "30 Days of 50" Birthday Party here.)

See, it's all about the attitude. About putting the right spin on it:

There. Doesn't sound so bad now, does it, Patty? Everything is more palatable with chocolate. 

Also, birthday greetings from the right person can soften the blow:

And if that doesn't help, you can always wear this:

Seriously, Patty, don't worry about it! The fifties are fabulous! Take it from one who knows from experience. Lots and lots of experience. ;)

And if all that doesn't help, there's always pure escape. Might I recommend a little "vacation" with Ciel, Billy, and Mark to help put it out of your mind? A signed copy of The Big Fix will be heading your way shortly. Because if fifty isn't fun ... fuhgeddaboudit!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

#ThrowbackThursday: Goosey Gourds and Naughty Poetry

Thursday again? Already??

Huh. Funny how that happens on such a regular basis. One might almost say weekly. 

Anyhoo, how about another Throwback Thursday post? Here's one from October 2011 that particularly amused me (three guesses why): 

And the wiener is...!

You know, some women have to settle for getting flowers from their significant others, and then only on special occasions. But not me. Nope, my TG knows the best way to worm his way into my heart is via my funny bone, so he brought home this for me instead...

...just because he knew it would make me laugh. Plus, gourds are seasonal. Who doesn't need a good seasonal laugh? (I'm thinking of putting a knee-high stocking on it, and seeing if I can make visitors blush. Then again, my in-laws might come over unexpectedly, so maybe not.)

TG's gift inspired a visit from my muse's evil, limerick-spinning twin, who planted this in my brain:

There once was a gander, so fine,
Who saw a watermelon stuck to a vine.
It was lust at first sight--
So he goosed it all night--
And the result is apparently mine.

Okay, okay...enough about my peni--er, goose gourd. On to what you're really waiting for!

Thank you all so much for cracking me up with your entries to the Angry Camel Caption Contest! They really got me giggling. So much so that I had to ask TG to help me decide the, I mean, winner.

We both zeroed in immediately (and, knowing us, unsurprisingly) on...

*drum roll*

"I don't care WHO Catherine the Great is! I'm not in the mood!"

Dianne, if you'll email me your address [linda(dot)grimes(at)gmail(dot)com], I'll send you your prize, which is not only dumb and edible, but also in keeping with the October Halloween season.

Why, YES! That is a glow-in-dark Jack-o-lantern Pez dispenser (complete with Pez candy) and a package of ghost Peeps!*

Dianne, you lucky so-and-so, do realize how jealous all those other entrants are now? I know! It's tough to envision the extent of their envy.

Oh, and since conventional blogging wisdom dictates one should always end a post with a question or two for the readers:

How do you like my gourd? Do you have a gourd, too?

Bonus third question: Is your gourd bigger than my gourd?

*Dying plant included in pic only for atmosphere, and not part of the Pez/Peeps Prize Package.

[Back to the present]

Sadly, my gourd has long since withered. I'll have to look for another one, because I really miss it. Seriously, it was quite the conversation starter, and such a poetic inspiration! 

May the Halloween Fairy bring you all lots of candy! Or gourds. Gourds are fun, too. 

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Cover News! (With bonus inappropriateness.)

Hey, y'all! All Fixed Up has a cover. Yay!

I likes it, I does! 

Here's a closeup of the picture:

Aren't those sparkly stars great? They not only allude to the magical quality of Ciel's aura-adapting ability, but also to the NASA theme of this particular book.

CAUTION: If you are under the impression that I am a sweet and decorous lady (though, if you've been reading my blog--or my books--for any length of time, I don't see how you could be), you might want to stop reading this post now. Nice cover, blah-blah-blah, so forth and etc. See ya on the shelves!

But if you happen to appreciate the occasional descent into juvenile humor, please proceed.

Now on to the *ahem* bonus inappropriateness. 

Really, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but according to one of my (admittedly notorious for her inappropriateness) critique partners, Tawna Fenske, it's too good not to share. 

And, after all, it is a peek behind the scenes of the publishing process, so I suppose we could call it educational. Yeah, let's do that.

Just don't tell anyone I showed you, okay? Shhh...

See, when my editor first sent me the cover picture it was fresh out of the Art department, and a certain *cough* wrinkle hadn't been, um, ironed out yet. 

Which made for a very happy picture indeed. 

Now, most people probably wouldn't even notice this, um, anomaly, but it popped right out at me. (What? Attention to detail is an important quality in a writer.)

Oops. Do you see it? No? If you're reading this on a small screen, you might have to blow it up. Er, so to speak. 

Yes, I admit it. My first thought when I saw it was, "Oh, my God! Is that a rocket in Mark's pocket, or is he just really happy to see Ciel?" 

(Imagine me giggling. Because I was.) 

And then I noticed that Mark isn't really looking at Ciel. He's giving Billy the stink eye. 

(Now imagine me giggling hysterically. Because I was.)

I gave brief thought to not mentioning it to my editor, because yeah, it would have made a fun cover (at least for those who, like me, pay attention to detail). And who knows? It might have even created a little buzz, which could conceivably help sales. But my higher self took charge and pointed out the "problem," whereupon someone in the Art department airbrushed that "crease" away.* (Yeah, right. Crease.)

Now, if I were the decorous type, I never would have dreamed of mentioning it here. But we all know better than that, don't we? ;)

Besides, Tawna was right. It is too good not to share. 

*Pro tip to photographers: make sure your cover models' suits have been adequately ironed ahead of time.