Hope You Have a Howlingly Happy Halloween!

In honor of Halloween, I give you...

(drum roll, please)

...the PERFECT MAN:

Yes, as a matter of fact, he IS made of chocolate.

Oh, and if you get a chance go check out my agent's new blog. Welcome to the blogosphere, Michelle! Go, Wolf Pack!

Happy Halloween, y'all! May your day be full of fun and sweet things to eat.

Deb Dancing, with a Side of Verifictionary

Yeah, I'm sailing around the dance floor over at the Debutante Ball today. Sorry, no half-naked man candy pics there this week.

(Oh, great, Linda. Way to sell it. TGIF anyway, right? Come on, right?)

HOWEVER, this week we are discussing the hardest scenes we ever had to write. *BLINK*

I know! Heh-heh. "Hardest." Tough to resist an opening like that. One click on that Deb link, and you can see where I went with it. *waggles eyebrows*

But just so you don't feel like you wasted your stop here, how about a few entries for the Verifictionary? (That's my ongoing compilation of verification "words" gathered while commenting on other blogs. For a better explanation, clicky-clicky that link.)

gonstabi -- A level of anger involving cutlery. Example: "I tried to calm her down after boyfriend answered her truthfully when she asked if her pants made her butt look big, but she'd already gonstabi."

proose --  Describes writing that would benefit from some judicious tightening.

So, do you ever have trouble with proose writing?

Or, you can tell me something that irks you (proose writing, perhaps?), and about which you've gonstabi.

Have a great weekend, y'all! :)

Humpy Halloween!

Trying to decide what TG and I should dress up as for Halloween.

I've narrowed it down to this:

This:

Or this:

(Are you sensing a theme here?)

Which one do you like best?

Okay, to be scrupulously honest here, we probably won't do any of those. Because, hey, they all look like work. Now that our kids are grown, there's only so much work we're willing to put into Halloween.

I'll buy tons of candy, yes. Well in advance, just *cough* in case the stores run out before the big day.

I'll put out the plastic Jack o'lantern with the stick-and-press light in it, and stay home, watching silly TV, jumping up every few minutes to give handfuls of choclate-y goodness to a fresh round of trick-or-treaters. (TG, when he doesn't have a show, participates in this activity with me, making it much more enjoyable. Plus, he helps keep me honest about how much candy I scarf down between little ghosts and Lady Gagas.)

I'll ooh and aah over visitors under five, heap tons of praise on any costume that looks homemade, and grudgingly give older teenagers one piece of hard candy each. (I mean, really, don't they have better things to do with their time? A party, maybe?)

Then, at about 9:30, I'll haul in the Jack o'lantern, turn off the porch light, and call it a night, gleefully eyeing the leftover candy, because (oops!) I will have over-bought again. Huh. You'd think I'd learn to estimate better. 

Do you celebrate Halloween? Any special traditions?

Oh, and you can still help me pick out a camel costume. TG will be home this year, and who knows? We may get motivated.

Everybody PANIC!

...so I don't have to do it alone.

Yes, I woke up this morning, after an extremely hectic weekend, and realized I didn't have a blog post written.

I tried pushing this:

But it didn't work.

No matter how hard I jabbed it.

Then I found this:

Sounds like good advice to me.

Two questions for you today. (You can answer either one. Or both. Or neither. But I'd really love it if you answered at least one of them, because then I'd feel less, yanno, panicky about screwing up this blog post.)

1. What makes you panic?

2. What's your favorite procrastination activity?

Fan Yourself Friday

We're discussing publishing myths over at The Debutante Ball this week. So, naturally, I found a way to bring cabana boys into it.

If you stop by there to say hi, bring this:

You might need it. ;)

After you're done there, tell me which one of my, um, "options" you like best. Or maybe you have an of your own to suggest?

It's Hump Day, and I got nothin' for you but this big orange camel...

Thanks to all of you who told me your lovely home remedies for my sore throat and cough, which has now morphed to include nose, lungs and sinus cavities. More than a cold, less than the flu. I'm calling it "The Crud."

(Er, not that I'm blaming your home remedies. I'm sure, if I'd had the wherewithal to employ them properly instead of just staring at them on the computer screen like a zombie, they would have worked brilliantly.)

Alas, I wound up at the doctor instead, who prescribed me some very strong (and honkin' HUGE) antibiotic pills. I'm sure I'll be back to my healthy, wise-cracking self in no time.

Or maybe I'll just crawl into a cave somewhere until I expire. Bleah.

BUT, I wouldn't want to leave you without something fun to look at while I'm expiring in my cave, so here:

So, let's see...a question. Um, do you prefer plain tissues or the super-soft kind with lotion in them?

Know what's worse than Monday?

Ugh. Sick. Sorry, cannot be clever today. My clever is broken.

But I do want to say welcome -- and thanks -- to all of you who've added me to your blog rolls!

And if you have any good home remedies for sore throats and coughs, I'm all ears. Bonus points if they involve a good, stiff belt of something suitably numbing.

Balls and Calls and Pumpkins, Oh My!

If it's Friday, I must be over at The Debutante Ball!

Today I'm talking about The Call. It's more painful than you might guess. So if you absolutely can't go into the weekend without a Linda fix, head on over there and read all about how "IT" happened.

But just so you don't feel like you wasted your stop here, how about a nice October giggle before you go:

So, have you decorated for Halloween yet?

Burning Hump Day Question, aka "Floaters or Sinkers?"

Camels are known as "ships of the desert."

(Come on. You knew I was going to get a camel or ten in here somewhere. For Pete's sake, it's Hump Day!)

Poor camels.

Anyway, while searching for a camel-related topic for this Hump Day, the whole "ship of the desert" thing got me thinking about boats, which in turn led me to another common phrase: "Whatever floats your boat." (See? This is how my mind works -- skipping merrily from one random thought to another.)

I started tallying up things that float my boat. Here are a few, in no particular order:

• Hot cocoa on a cold day. Bonus points if it has whipped cream.
• The crunch of leaves under my feet. Only not indoors.
• An extra cherry in my Manhattan.
• Writing my way out of a corner I've written myself into.
• Any happy news from one of my kiddos.
• A smile from TG. 
• Finding a pair of shoes that not only fits, but also looks good.
• Ditto for jeans.
• Good news from my agent.
• Ditto for editor.

In the interest of balance, here a few things guaranteed to sink my boat (again, in no particular order):

• @sshat drivers.
• Sick kiddos.
• Leaky basements.
• Too much snow; i.e., measurable in feet instead of inches.
• Artificial sweeteners.
• Not enough sleep.
• Politics.

More could be added to each of my lists, but I didn't want to overwhelm you with my floaters and sinkers. You get the gist.

So, what floats and/or sinks your boat? 

Me and Ben and Home-Brewing

So, you're not getting much of a blog post today because yesterday was spent in the company of some home-brewers. It would have been rude not to sample their wares.

And I cannot abide rudeness, not in others, and especially not in myself.

With that said, I'll leave you with a quote attributed to my favorite founding father:

 

Who am I to argue with Ben? 

So, do you like beer? Ale, lager, stout, porter...do you have a preference? A favorite brand?

Oh, and in a *cough* completely unrelated topic...any tried-and-true hangover remedies?

P.S. Sometime during the party, a very nice lady got out her smart phone and showed us all a picture of a potato from her garden. For some reason, I insisted she email it me right away.

It's not as impressive as my gourd from the other day, but it's still cute. ;)

On Bourbon, Boobs, and Beads (Trust me, there's a connection.)

It's Deb Erika's Debut Week over at The Debutante Ball.

Come on over for a chance to win her deliciously rich novel, Little Gale Gumbo.

But as long as you're here, tell me...have you ever been to New Orleans?

I haven't. Not yet.

I know! Weird, huh? Seems like Mardi Gras would be just my cup of...well, something pleasantly alcoholic, doesn't it? But alas. It just hasn't happened yet.

I do, however, have tons of those plastic beads.* That must be almost as good as going, right?

Okay, maybe not.

So, if you've been to New Orleans, what did you like best? (I'll bet the food is high on your list.)

If you haven't been, do you ever plan on going? 

*No, I didn't get them by flashing my boobs. I told you, I've never even been to Bourbon Street. Though I do like the name.

Hump Day Confidential

Secrets.

Everybody has them. Little, big, silly, horrifying -- they lurk in all our hearts.

Some people, I'm sure, will swear they have no secrets. But they're lying. To themselves, if not you.

Sharing secrets with someone is the highest form of trust. (Or idiocy. Take your pick.)

Our characters have secrets, too. Sometimes we share them with the readers, but not always. I know some pretty juicy stuff about my major characters that I'm not sure will ever come out in the book(s). And that's okay. It informs their actions, makes them who they are, and that's enough. If I can ever use the secrets in a "big reveal," so much the better, but they already serve their purpose.

Hmm. But I wonder if revealing their secrets might deflate them in some way. Make them hollow. Balloon characters instead of the real people they seem (to me) to be now.  I must ponder this more before I release any cats.

So, what's your take on secrets? Do they annoy you or pique your interest?

Do you have secrets? If you're a writer, do your characters have them?

Oh, and a brief cautionary message, if you're considering revealing any of your own secrets:

Just make sure you're telling your secrets to the right person... ;)

And the wiener is...!

You know, some women have to settle for getting flowers from their significant others, and then only on special occasions. But not me. Nope, my TG knows the best way to worm his way into my heart is via my funny bone, so he brought home this for me instead...

...just because he knew it would make me laugh. Plus, gourds are seasonal. Who doesn't need a good seasonal laugh? (I'm thinking of putting a knee-high stocking on it, and seeing if I can make visitors blush. Then again, my in-laws might come over unexpectedly, so maybe not.)

TG's gift inspired a visit from my muse's evil, limerick-spinning twin, who planted this in my brain:

There once was a gander, so fine,
Who saw a watermelon stuck to a vine.
It was lust at first sight--
So he goosed it all night--
And the result is apparently mine.

Okay, okay...enough about my peni--er, goose gourd. On to what you're really waiting for!

Thank you all so much for cracking me up with your entries to the Angry Camel Caption Contest! They really got me giggling. So much so that I had to ask TG to help me decide the wiener...er, I mean, winner.

We both zeroed in immediately (and, knowing us, unsurprisingly) on...

*drum roll*

"I don't care WHO Catherine the Great is! I'm not in the mood!"

Dianne, if you'll email me your address [linda(dot)grimes(at)gmail(dot)com], I'll send you your prize, which is not only dumb, and edible, but also in keeping with the October Halloween season.

Why, YES! That is a glow-in-dark Jack-o-lantern Pez dispenser (complete with Pez candy) and a package of ghost Peeps!*

Dianne, you lucky so-and-so, do realize how jealous all those other entrants are now? I know! It's tough to envision the extent of their envy.

Oh, and since conventional blogging wisdom dictates one should always end a post with a question or two for the readers:

How do you like my gourd? Do you have a gourd, too?

Bonus third question: Is your gourd bigger than my gourd?


*Dying plant included in pic only for atmosphere, and not part of the Pez/Peeps Prize Package.