Hello. My name is Linda, and I am a worry-holic.
*sigh* My family tells me I have worrying down to a science. Sadly, they are right. I do worry. It's almost a superstition with me--I'm afraid if I don't worry, something bad will happen. It's as if I can prevent whatever I'm worried about from happening by the sheer force of my worry.
(But I don't worry compulsively. Honest. Once I've put in a little worry time about something, I let it go. I figure it's covered then, and why belabor it?)
See, I have come to a realization: it's the stuff you don't think to worry about that always sneaks up and bites you on the ass. Like when lightning struck our maple tree out front, for instance, and the resulting arc of electricity fried every plugged-in electrical appliance (i.e., all of them) we had. I had never worried about that happening.
And yet it did.
On the other hand, I have worried about a plane falling out of the sky on its way to or from a nearby airport, and landing on our house, possibly while we are all asleep on the top floor, crushing us to death beneath its flaming fuselage.
And this has never happened, not even once.
You see? My method of Proactive Worry must work. Anecdotal evidence supports it!
Other Things I Have Prevented through Proactive Worrying:
- My nose falling off when I have a cold (due to having to blow it too much).
- Bears eating my family while we stayed at a cabin in the woods in West Virginia.
- Sharks eating my family while we were at the beach. (This one has worked multiple times.)
- Horrendous car crashes every time someone I know gets in a vehicle.
- Getting stuck in an ice cave in Switzerland, only to be found years later, frozen solid, by an unsuspecting group of Swiss schoolchildren.
- Forgetting my lines onstage.
So, how about you? Worrier or not?
I understand if you're not. Worrying can be time-consuming (but not as time-consuming as if the things you're proactively preventing by your worry were to happen, mind you), and not everyone is willing to make the mental investment.
Tell you what. Since I've become so adept at it myself--really, it's second nature to me now--I'd be willing to take on some of your proactive worries for you, on a temporary basis, just until you can work it into your schedule.
So, what is it you'd like to prevent? Alien abduction? Adult onset acne? Hemorrhoids? Horrible confrontation with your in-laws over whether to have turkey or ham for a holiday dinner?
Just let me know in the comments, and I'll be happy to work it into my worry schedule.
And then, whatever you do, try not to worry about what I'll expect in return...