No cleaning up poop.
(One can hardly say enough about that last feature.)
This is "Good Dog":
And, on the chair being standoffish, his alter-ego, "Bad Dog":
TG always wanted an English bulldog, so I got him one. Of course, he'd rather have one that breathes, but c'est la vie (which I believe translates as "tough titties"). I've told him he can get a real live one after he retires, and will be the one around to take it for walks...along with that little plastic bag.
(Yeah, I know. I'm such a bitch. Don't hate on me!)
And this is "Good Kitty":
She's a little on the cold side, being made of cement and all. Not much of a ratter, but then we don't have rats anyway, so that's not a problem. She's got the "cat stare" nailed, though. And she never claws the furniture.And, finally, because we really do prefer to pet furry things, "Miss Kitty" (yeah, I know -- we are sooo creative with the names). She's our part-time pet:
She actually belongs to our neighbors, but I think she likes us better. Could have something to do with the kitty treats, tuna, and ham we slip her from time to time, when she's convinced us she hasn't eaten in a week. She drops by for a cuddle every morning, and sometimes in the evenings, too. Stays about five minutes, then continues her rounds.
With Miss Kitty, we get all the affection and none of the responsibility. In other words, she's the perfect pet for now.
*Yeah, I know I said yesterday would be the last Now-Dead Pet day. Technically that's true. While the first two listed here are not alive, they are not dead either.
21 comments:
Ha! I love the fake pets. I wish we could trade our two live ones for fake:/
Miss Kitty is your practice grandchild!
The hubs wants one of those bulldogs in the worst way. But we are all allergic. :( It's our town mascot, so they sell faux ones at the garden center and he's vowing to get himself one, even if it's a fake one like your CURRENT one!
"...but c'est la vie (which I believe translates as "tough titties")"
You are like, one of the funniest people I know. Great post! I laughed out loud!
Perhaps you could start a rescue shelter for abandoned not live pets? Overhead expenses would be pretty low.
All the pet posts are awesome. I think DH would like the fake pets over our real ones sometimes. He gets all grumbly about the hair and "other stuff." But then I hear him cooing at one of the dogs and I know he's just a big faker.
(He'd give away our house cat, though...not a fan, at all. The cat is a pill.)
i'm not really a pet person, but these are my kind of pets!
My friend DID get her hubs a puppy that breathes. You just have to keep changing the batteries. *tough titties* indeed! LOL!
I can't imagine ever being catless tho.
You are not alone in your creative naming. First cat we had? Blackie. She was black, believe it or not. Though we didn't name her, and Mom wanted to rename her Oprah because she'd get really "fat" and then really thin again every three months or so. Next cat? Artie. We didn't name him either. But then my brother got an iguana (IGUANAS SUCK), and "her" name was Artie as well. Also not named by us. Vet finally had to take x-rays to figure out if she was a girl. I said she was, but I was the only one convinced of it until the x-rays vindicated me. She kept the name Artie though. (And funnily enough, the guy who fixed our roof around that time had a parrot he'd bring with him. Parrot's name? Artie. Of course.) Next cat we got was a birthday surprise for me, and her name ended up being Kit Ten. Unfortunately she WAS named by me. I took too long to pick out a name (only a week!), and by then she refused to respond to anything else. Also, it needs to be said like it's two words. Because it was generally stressed and said with exasperation that first week, so it got drawn out. ("KIT-TEN, no!)
So yeah, after tons of lame hand-me-down pet names, the one name I actually came up with on my own was apparently Kit Ten. Awesome. :)
Ha! *This* is what I get for asking about the live pets?? Cracked me up...
I love the idea of a part time pet. Anything that doesn't involve picking up poo is a great idea...
Candyland -- Unless yours are poopless, no thanks. ;)
muffin -- (Tee-hee.) We really do have grandcats--my DD & her hubs have two adorable striped cats, and they often bring them for a visit. They're adorable! (The kids and the cats.)
Jessica -- Thanks! Glad I could make you laugh. :)
Uppington -- LOL! Now, that is a BRILLIANT idea. I'll look into it.
Jeannie -- Ha! Cooing? That is priceless.
Abby -- You really can't find easier ones to take care of. I highly recommend them.
Pseudosu -- Yeah, we can't imagine being totally catless, either. Miss Kitty fills the void nicely for now.
Elizabeth -- LOL! Hey, I LIKE Kit Ten. Sounds perfect to me. But what's up with all those Arties? Weird.
Jeffe -- That's right. It's all your fault! ;)
SM -- See, that's exactly how I feel. I've handled my share of not-my-poo over the years, and I figure I'm due a break. For a while anyway. ;)
I like Kit Ten too. She's one of those insanely smart cats who's also seriously awesome. So awesome, in fact, that when I graduated from school and could finally keep her in my own apartment, my mom refused to part with her. Which was heartbreaking. But I do get to talk to her on the phone. She'll have a whole conversation and everything b/c she's just that amazing. Miss her. And I couldn't figure out the Arties thing either. It's apparently a really popular pet name, I guess? Artie the cat was incredibly friendly. We inherited him with our house, and apparently the previous owners didn't really let him inside much, so about once a week we'd get random strangers knocking on our door asking about him since they hadn't seen him around in a bit. He also used to walk us to the bus stop and meet us there in the afternoon. Even Kit Ten thought he was a rock star (though he wasn't quite as keen on her).
Your "good dog" made me think of those Earls sold in the 80s. Remember Earl the Road Kill cat? My dad kept saying Earl was the only decent cat around. Then we'd catch him petting any cat he came into contact with.
Love your pet posts! And, btw, I took 2 years of French in high school and that is exactly how we translated it!
Elizabeth -- I'm impressed Kit Ten talks on the phone to you. I'd be even more impressed if she dialed it first. ;) And Artie the cat does sound like a rock star!
Keistina -- Thanks! Good to know I got that translation right. ;) Your dad sounds like a closet kitty softy. :)
Wait...Kristina? Is that you? I guess that "e" was a typo. Anyway, hi! :)
Hmph. Well, how's this for impressive? She hates being trapped in a room, so at 8 weeks old (two days after I got her) she attempted to make a jail break by opening the door. Since she couldn't quite reach by standing on the desk near the door, she climbed up on a very tall shelf, knocked over a bunch of stuffed animals, dragged them to the door, and then climbed the pile to reach the knob. AT EIGHT WEEKS OLD. I mean, it didn't work because she had a hard time actually holding on to the knob to turn it, but the whole process was incredibly impressive. I ended up putting rubber bands around the knob for her to have something to grasp, and that helped, but she still wasn't quite strong enough to do it. Did I mention that she was the runt of the litter, too? She was crazy itsy bitsy, but clearly terrifyingly intelligent and logical. Also determined.
When she got a bit older, and she needed something in the middle of the night, she'd come and tell me. If she couldn't wake me up by just talking at me, she'd use her nose to turn the touch lamp on. And if on, brighter, brightest didn't do the trick, she'd carefully maneuver the water cup I'd take with me to bed and leave on the deep window sill until it was above my head, and then she'd knock it over onto me. And clearly she's brighter than I am because she actually did that to me twice.
Elizabeth -- LOL! Kit Ten sounds like the Einstein of cats. Knocking the water on your head once could've been an accident. Twice proves it was intentional. If only she had opposable thumbs she could probably take over the world.
Totally the Einstein of cats! And no way it wasn't intentional. She had to carefully move the cup over about a foot before it was actually above me. And then I'd wake up with the lights on, drenched in cold water, with a very frustrated cat yelling at me because her food bowl was empty (or whatever her deal was) and I'd been ENTIRELY oblivious for entirely too long, absolutely refusing to wake up. After Artie died, she was really heartbroken, and my mom finally went to pick out a kitten friend for her (and of course came home with two), and Kit Ten took two years before she semi-warmed up to them. But what was hilarious was that it took us so long to figure out that she didn't hate them because they were cute and tiny, but because apparently we'd brought her the DUMBEST kittens that we could find. The looks of sheer exasperation she'd give them sometimes still crack me up even now. Imagine how you'd feel if you were the world's smartest cat and all of a sudden you were forced to observe a kitten that would cry at a door (that was ajar!) because she couldn't figure out how it worked and she wanted inside. Poor Kit Ten. (still giggling)
I adore our furry little doggie, but I could do with out the doggie doo!
Elizabeth -- *giggling with you* Poor Kit Ten, to be forced to endure such kitty ineptitude.
Julie -- Funny how that works sometimes. I think it's all about the balance. If the fun & affection outweigh the furniture-gnawing and poop, it's all good. ;)
A little behind on my blog reading, but I'm delighted to finally meet your part-time cat. We technically own three cats, but there's a fourth that lurks around most days trying to convince us she's homeless and starving. We happen to know she lives around the corner and is quite well fed, but we do admire her acting abilities.
Tawna
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