"That shirt makes her look pregnant. Do you think she's pregnant? Because she sure looks pregnant there," said the theater god.
"I dunnoh," I said. "I don't think so. Because she looks, you know, like she's at least fifty. And not a good fifty."
"Not a good pregnant, either," TG added, with a sad shake of his head.
Sound nasty? Oh, it is. But it's okay, because we were sitting on the Couch of Judgment, from whence we get to be as hypercritical as we like.
There's only one catch. We can only be hypercritical of the people we see on TV.
(Or sometimes of people we know but with whom we are feeling a wee bit disgruntled. Not our friends, of course. More like acquaintances. Really, really annoying acquaintances. But only if they are not here with us. Because while we may be overly judgmental on occasion, we are not, you know, stupid.)
The woman we were discussing was one of the anchors for a local news show. No, I won't say which one. Though I am, in fact, sitting on the COJ, its reach does not extend to the internet. What is snarked within these four walls stays within these four walls.
Anyhoo, I have no idea if the probably-not-pregnant anchor was discussing matters of great import. Didn't really care at the time. All I know is, she should not wear that blouse on TV ever again. Because, damn.
(I will forgive her rather haggard-looking face because she may have had a bad night, and besides, we all know what HDTV can do to anyone over fourteen.)
Who, you may be wondering, do we think we are? What gives us the right?
Valid questions, since our imperfections abound. Please, feel free to come on over and delineate them for us. Just make sure you're sitting on the COJ when you do. ;)
So, what's the point of this post, other than to let you know how petty the theater god and I can be at times?
Well, maybe that is the point. We're human. We sometimes have negative--okay, mean--thoughts. But neither of us cares much for hurting other people's feelings, especially not people we know and like. So the COJ is a kind of safety valve. Release a little of the snark in a safe place, and we're better able to hold it in at times when it might be considered *cough* inappropriate.
So, how about y'all? How do you deal with your inner snarkiness?
And watch out if you try to tell me you never have a mean thought. Because you know where I'm sitting...