Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A little (hoarding) problem in paradise...

My basement is...full.

Okay, that's putting it tactfully. My basement it stuffed to the gills with less than useful--let's call it "useful-ish"--crap. (It might be full of crap, but I am hanging onto the "-ish" for dear life.)

This isn't entirely my fault. See, ideally, when a couple marries, it should be stipulated in the wedding contract that at least one of them is a thrower-outer instead of a saver. The trouble with my basement is, the theater god and I are both savers.

Every computer we have ever owned is up--and running!--down there. Even the Commodore 64. Seriously, it looks like a freakin' geek museum. We've nicknamed it "Nerdvana," and it is a veritable paradise for the socially awkward.

(Not that we are socially awkward, of course. But we have deep empathy for those who are.)

Anyway, for Nerdvana I blame my husband, who, aside from being a theater god, is also a technology wizard. He loves to upgrade his equipment, but can't stand to let go of something that still works. Also, he's utterly fascinated with antique gizmos and gadgets; to him, the older something gets, the more interesting it becomes.

(I have to admit, I like that about him. It bodes well for our future together. As long as he doesn't try to "upgrade" to a sleeker, faster-running twenty-year-old, and retire me to the basement, I figure I can look forward to a long and happy dotage with a husband who blissfully raves, "Look! She still works!")

But it isn't just my husband. Honesty compels me to admit the state of the basement is partially my fault. I have a small problem of my own.


I, Linda Grimes, am a bookaholic.

There. I said it. (Whew. I feel so much better now that that's off my chest.)

Stacked-up boxes of books line the perimeter of Nerdvana, the overflow from the shelves upstairs.

Apparently I am constitutionally incapable of getting rid of any book I have ever owned. Because...well, they're mine. And I might reread them again (for the fiftieth time) someday. Besides, they'll come in handy when I'm old and senile, and living on a fixed income. It won't matter that I can't afford new books when I've forgotten the endings to cases full of thrillers, mysteries, and romances.

It's not hoarding. It's a retirement plan.

All right, it's more than that. Some of them I keep purely for sentimental reasons. Fond memories of my larval phase as a bookworm. Like this favorite from when dog books ruled my shelves:

And this from my "nobody wants me in a crime-fighting club so I'll just read about it instead" period:

Though some of the selections I just found while excavating downstairs force me to admit my addiction may border on the compulsive. Yes, this is an old Guinness Book of World Records. From *cough* 1995. (Hey, what if I need to research world records from that era? I am prepared!):

And then there are the duplicates. Yes, I accidentally bought two copies of the same book. But I can't get rid of one, because, if you look closely, you'll notice one of them has an embossed title. So really they're different:

Besides, what if I wear one out? Best not to take any chances.


Unknown said...

hahaha! you and my mom would get along great! I cleaned out and organized her library one weekend that I visiting and ended up with SIX boxes of duplicate books! and she wouldn't let me get rid of them...and my friends think i'm bad about wanting to keep my books...oh god, wait! is that how im going to be in 20 years?

Cynthia Reese said...

Too funny! I've often said that I have an 1100 square foot house with 3,000 square feet of junk in it.

BTW, I ADORED Trixie Belden when I was growing up. I wanted so badly to join the Bobwhites and goof off with Trixie Honey and Di and Brian and Jim, and even that pesky ol' Mart.


Ooooh...Trixie Belden! I wonder what ever happened to my collection? I recently wrote a character with violet-colored eyes, and I thought of that Trixie Belden character with the same trait. Was it Di? I forget, but I so loved those books.

Hilarious blog post, BTW!


Dianne K. Salerni said...

Trixie Belden!!
Oh my favorite was when Trixie and Honey found Jim hiding in the old recluse's house!

My basement might also qualify as a remote branch office of Nerdvana, but don't tell my husband I said so!

Linda G. said...

Karla -- yeah, you better watch out. The apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree. ;)

Cynthia -- I wanted to join the Bobwhites, too. I totally identified with Trixie, since I had a brainy oldest brother, a teasing next-older brother, and baby brother I had to babysit for all the time (or so it seemed to me).

Tawna -- it was shy Di who had the violet eyes. Honey had hazel eyes, and Trixie had blue. And remember Jim, with the red hair? *swoon*

Candyland said...

Retirement plan! Hilarious!

Linda G. said...

Dianne -- that was the first one, wasn't it? It got me completely hooked. And I'm glad to hear TG & I don't have the only Nerdvana in existence. Nerds of the World, unite! :)

Candyland -- one must prepare for the future. ;)

Unknown said...

Linda, I've been wanted to click your profile pic from Tawna's blog comments for a while now, and somehow my thoughts are side-tracked by the time I click "Post Comment," and off I go in another direction. Well, not today! In a rare moment of 'on-task-ness', I've come to visit.

This post is hilarious. Every paragraph brought a bigger smile to my face. I'm so looking forward to following you and becoming a regular reader.

I'm certain I read that Trixie Beldon. That was my favorite series when I was a girl!

Have a wonderful afternoon~

Linda G. said...

Hi Nicole, and welcome! And thanks for clicking on me. :)

I'm amazed at how many Trixie Belden fans are coming out of the closet. I never realized how popular that series was--I always thought I was being "different" reading Trixie instead of Nancy Drew.