Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Need an excuse? I'm your gal!

Rationalizing has always come fairly easily to me. If things go wrong in my world, I can usually come up with twisted enough logic to make it all okay in my head. Some may call this a coping mechanism. I call it...oh, hell. I call it a coping mechanism, too. Whatever floats your boat, right?

I even kid with my friends about my imaginary online site, "Rationalizations-R-Us." They know they can come to me for help when they need to justify some behavior they may be feeling a teensy bit guilty about.

For instance:

Feeling lazy? Falling behind with your word count goals, but would really rather watch TV?

Here's a freebie for you: You're not being lazy. You're "recharging your creative batteries." If you don't watch TV right now, your writing will deteriorate to sub-cretinous levels. Seriously, you MUST watch [fill in your favorite show] if you ever hope to finish that draft.

Or:

Want apple pie a la mode for breakfast instead of that healthy wholegrain cereal? Well, apple pie supplies not only a serving of fruit--which everyone knows is essential to nutrition--but ice cream is rich in calcium! It's so good for you, in fact, you should probably have two pieces.

You get the idea.

Anyway, since I've kidded about Rationalizations-R-Us for so long, I thought I'd open it up for requests. So, what are you currently trying to justify? Tell me in the comments, and I'll get back to you with a personalized rationalization. Big or little, makes no difference to me.

(But no murder, please. That one you'll have to justify on your own!)

Disclaimer: Employ rationalizations at your own risk. No warranties, expressed or implied.

29 comments:

Bill Cameron said...

I use that apple pie one all the time.

Patty Blount said...

Chocolate comes from a plant so it's a vegetable, right?

I can rationalize, too. I probably do that way too much.

SM Schmidt said...

I seriously could use a positive spin come August on the mess I've landed myself in:

I'm taking 19 units, doing part time research for a professor and trying to expand the academic club that claims I'm not just a member but the president as well. Oh I was also going to pretend there's time for editing my manuscript. Help?

Linda G. said...

Bill -- Admittedly, the apple pie was an easy one. I don't give the tough ones away for free. For instance, if you want to justify, say, Twizzlers for breakfast, it's gonna cost you.

Patty -- Close. The cacao bean, though called a bean, is actually considered a fruit. But fruit is good for you, too, so it works. Besides, chocolate is chock-full of antioxidants, so it's already good for you! :)

SM -- Hmm. You have gotten yourself into a pickle. Only one way out that I can see: caffeine. Loads of caffeine. I mean, sleep is overrated anyway, right? And recent discoveries show caffeine actually has health benefits. I just read where drinking 5 cups of coffee a day greatly reduces your risk of Alzheimer's. Which will come in handy when you're carrying a course load like that!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

How about letting the house fall into rack and ruin while I write, blog, tweet, and facebook?

Linda G. said...

Dianne -- Branding. It's all about the branding these days, right? You're an author--you HAVE to maintain your online presence. It's a chore, I know, especially when you'd rather be having fun dusting and vacuuming, cooking and washing, etc. But, if you're like me, you're willing to make the sacrifice. ;)

Candyland said...

How about that extra drink I just had to have:/

Linda G. said...

Candyland -- There are scientifically proven health benefits to having a drink a day. (As for however many you had BEFORE you had that one extra...well, gotta have a little fun sometimes, right?)

Kelly Breakey said...

How about spending too much time lazing by the pool and not enough time cleaning the house. That's a good one right.

Sydnee said...

Anything and everything I do will be rationalized, and most likely I will regret it later. Examples:

"You don't have to exercise today - you burn calories even when you're sleeping, and plus since you've exercised once already this month, that means your metabolism has increased, so as long as you don't overdo it you'll be in shape in no time!"

*four months and twenty pounds later*

"...Shit."

Linda G. said...

Kelly -- Well, this is the season for lazing by the pool, after all. And I'm sure a lot of mental work on your writing is going on while you "laze," so technically you're not being "lazy." You're practicing what I like to call "internal writing."

Plus, the housework will keep. It's not going anywhere (unfortunately)--it'll be there when you find time for it. Say, in the middle of winter, when the call of the pool isn't quite so strong. ;)

Sydnee -- I like how you rationalize! Just add this: "Boy, these extra twenty pounds will sure come in handy if I get a nasty tummy bug, and can't eat for a week or two! Why, without them I might wind up in the hospital. They're like insurance." ;)

LR said...

Dear Linda, Goddess of Rationalization: I don't feel like cleaning the windows.

Linda G. said...

LR -- Dirty windows block more UV rays, thus making your indoors not only more energy efficient in the summer, but also protecting your skin while you're looking out on the world. :)

Karla Nellenbach said...

I use the "re-charging creative batteries" all the time. also, when I'd rather read the new Janet Evanovich instead of pounding out a couple thousand words, I tell myself that I'm not procrastinating. I'm doing research :)

Linda G. said...

Karla -- Exactly! I see you're a pro at this. ;)

Donna Cummings said...

Linda, I feel like we might be twins separated at birth! And these rationalizations are SO great, they don't even SEEM like rationalizations anymore!

I had a friend who said if he were ever going to be a superhero, he'd want to be The Enabler. LOL Sounds like a better one would be The Rationalizer. :)

Tawna Fenske said...

I'm feeling too lazy to go to yoga class today. Can you get me out of that? :)

Tawna

Sydnee said...

Hah! Love it. Linda, bravo. Such quick, sound thinking is very befitting of a fellow rationalizer. :)

Linda G. said...

Tawna -- Yoga class is all well and good some days, but others are meant for "researching" or "recharging." You need to vary your routine in order to become a well-rounded writer. It's essential to your craft! ;)

Sydnee -- Why, thank you. That means a lot, coming from a fellow rationalizer. :)

mumfusa said...

can you make sure i don't have to go to a meeting at 4:30?

p.s. your rationalizations above are so rational. i fear my productivity levels are about to go way down once i start channeling my inner linda grimes.

Linda G. said...

mumfusa -- Statistics show that too many meetings reduce productivity significantly. In order to be more productive, you should avoid your 4:30 meeting at all costs.

P.S. You can never go wrong by accessing your inner linda grimes! ;)

Sierra Godfrey said...

Nice one, I have to say I am also a master at this. Because obviously I wouldn't want to admit I'm doing anything wrong!

Thank you for giving me a name to my excuses. "But I'm just channeling Linda Grimes! Not my fault!" I can hear it now.

Linda G. said...

Sierra -- Always happy to be of assistance. Feel free to channel me at will! :)

Joanne said...

It's interesting that how we spin things gives us a great perspective ... Lots of great rationalizations going on here, I may just save a few of them for future use!

Amanda said...

Rationalization: "I'm writing...see this blog post I just finished?" (Unfortunately, my blog posts don't pay the bills.)

Wimpy (from Popeye) had the corner in the excuses/rationalization department, "I will gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Linda G. said...

Joanne -- Hi there! Please feel free to make use of any rationalizations you find here. May they make your life smoother. :)

Amanda -- But blog posts aid in your "branding"--and essential part of a writer's job these days. :)

And Wimpy! What a blast from the past. I used to love to watch Popeye after school.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
comewrite said...

hmmm.

http://comewrite.wordpress.com/

Posey said...

Awesome! lol