Thursday, June 10, 2010

Leave it to Bieber, or How I Lost My Twidentity

A horrible thing happened yesterday. I found out there is another Linda Grimes on Twitter.

Wait. It gets worse.

THAT Linda Grimes is apparently a...

*lowers voice to an appalled whisper*

... Justin Bieber fan.

(You'll notice the announcement at the top of the Wiki page that it's protected from editing due to vandalism? I had nothing to do with that. I *cough* swear.)

Not that there's anything wrong with being a Justin Bieber fan. If you happen to be a ten-year-old girl. Which I haven't been in, oh, say, the last gazillion years. Judging by his picture, he's cute as a button. No way his hair does that forward-swept thing naturally, but hey, I'm not one to judge.

(Okay, that's a lie. I am one to judge. But only when I'm sitting on the Couch of Judgment. Which, coincidentally, I am doing right now, so I have special dispensation to get as snarky about the Bieber as I want.)

Can this kid even sing? I admit I don't know. I've never heard him try. If he can, I suspect his voice is a little high-pitched for my taste. How old is he, anyway? What's going to happen when he hits puberty and his voice changes? Or (horrors!) he gets his first pimple? Will his legions of adoring fans still love him then? Is there any substance under that superabundance of cute-itude?

[Aside to any rabid Bieber fans reading this: honestly, the kid is adorable. I totally understand your dedication to him. Please don't vandalize my blog.]

So, when I found out yesterday about The Imposter, the Fake Linda Grimes, the Pretender to my sacred name, I was understandably upset. A little part of me was no longer me. It was like the Twitter version of identity theft.

Yes, my twidentity had been violated. It was tweft, pure and simple.

The sad thing is, there is nothing I can do about it. The other Linda Grimes has every right to tweet under what I presume is also her name. I can (pretend to) be big about it. I'm (kinda-sorta) an adult. These things happen. That's life. C'est la vie. I roll with the punches. I'm resilient.

I wanna cry.

Anybody got a good idea for a pen name?


Unknown said...

oh, you poor thing! I'd want to change my name too if I found out someone out there was maliciously linking my name with that kid. :(

Kelly Breakey said...

I feel your pain. Sometimes in the world of twitter life is really unfair, it's almost bieberaric (I could not resist)if you ask me.

So I went and searched this Other Linda Grimes and she does not have a picture of herself on twitter. (snickering) Are you sure that is not you and that you are not secretly following Justin this way? After all, (gasping through my hysteria) he get to take naps still during the day, so I can sort of see the appeal there. I really miss nap time too.

(Composed) I am here for you Linda...I really am.

Patty Blount said...

chokes "tweft*

It could be worse.... She could be a Jonas Brothers fan.

Deborah Small said...

LOL. Don't worry; we know the real Linda Grimes, and she's awesome!

Anne Gallagher said...

I'm so sorry. I'm with you on the whole Bieber thing. His hair has got to go. Even Donny Osmond wasn't that stupid looking.

How about Fabulous Linda Grimes as a pseudonym? The kid can't fault you for that. And we'll always know where to find you. Under Fab of course.

Cynthia Reese said...

His voice IS squeaky. Really, really, squeaky, like a choir boy. The Kiddo has made me endure Baby a hundred gajillion times.

My condolences. And (heh-heh) I had NOTHING to do with creating this, ahem alter-ego Beiber-lovin' Linda Grimes. :-)

Linda G. said...

Karla -- Well, I don't know if it's intentionally malicious on The Pretender's part. I might just be collateral damage.

Kelly -- Mock me at your own peril. You did read my post on my, ahem, retaliatory nature, didn't you? I have dessert box mixes, and I know how to use 'em! ;)

Patty -- Oh, bite your tongue! Do NOT let that thought get out there. You might draw the Jonas fans to me. *shudder*

Deb -- Aw, thanks. You're pretty darn awesome yourself. :)

Piedmont Writer -- Totally concur on the Donny Osmond thing. Close, though. ;) And thanks! :)

Linda G. said...

Cynthia -- Ha! A likely story. You were the first one I suspected. ;)

Elizabeth Ryann said...

YOU'RE WELCOME! I just thought it was information that you needed. And I'm with Kelly. I'm still not completely sure that it's not you. It could be! You don't seem to be tweeting at the same time.

Of course, it could totally still be Cynthia. She already knows all the words to "Baby."

Cara Wallace said...

I saw a clip a few seconds long of Bieber singing Baby (it was highly choreographed, almost more like a dance number with incidental vocals). His voice did seem high, but from what I've heard he's actually 16 already. But no doubt he's being aggressively marketed to the pre-teenyboppers and they get him to sing as high as he can.

Anyway, condolences on the name tweft. There are lots of good pen names, though Linda Grimes sounds like an author name, doesn't it? Don't worry, you can always disambiguate once you're famous. *g*

Linda G. said...

Elizabeth -- Huh. I was just messin' with Cynthia. Actually I'm sure it's YOU. Convenient how YOU'RE the one who found it, yes? Maybe a little TOO convenient? ;)

Cara -- "Disambiguate" -- hey, I like that word! Thanks for the sympathy, and for increasing my vocabulary. :)

Candyland said...

Hahahaha. Are you sure it isn't your alter ego who has this account and you're really a closet Bieber fan?

Linda G. said...

Candyland -- Shhh. I trying to keep that quiet. ;)

out of the wordwork said...

Let's all admit it, shall we? He's no David Cassidy **swooon***

Ahem. Okay, I've aged myself there. But totally with you on the bewilderment of the Beiber fever, Linda.

And your true Twitter followers will always know we are following the true Linda Grimes - your tweets are like a fingerprint! The other fake one will soon fade into the twitter wallpaper...

Linda G. said...

Nelsa -- David who? *blink*

Ha. Just kidding. I had such a crush on David Cassidy. But only for his *cough* remarkable musical talent.

And thanks for your "brand loyalty." ;)

Elizabeth Flora Ross said...

I had no idea who the puny little kid was until about a week ago. I guess I should keep up; someday my daughter will be madly in love with one of these little pretty boys w/no talent. I haven't heard him sing, but I have heard the Jonas brother and OMfreakingG they so cannot sing. It's outrageous.

I wouldn't be too worried about it. It's not like anyone would ever confuse the two of you! LOL Intelligent, well spoken woman with great sense of humor versus... well who knows what she is? Who cares? You're you and we heart you! :)

Linda G. said...

Hi, E-Flora! Thanks. *blushes* That is so sweet. :)

Yes, prepare yourself. No telling what your future holds in the way of daughter-crushes. Thank goodness for ipods & such--at least you won't have to actually listen to the "music." Much. ;)


Can I confess I don't actually know who Justin Bieber is? I'm assuming he's some sort of teenybopper singer, but I couldn't pick him out of a police lineup if I watched him rob a liquor store. Hey, maybe that's how you get rid of both Bieber and the other Linda Grimes. Can you frame them for a crime?


Linda G. said...

Tawna -- You lucky, lucky woman. He's not something you want running loose in your head. (Unless, of course, you're ten.)

And, hey, good plan! Get back to me with the details once you have them ironed out, okay? ;)

Elisabeth Black said...

Tweft, haha.

I really like Justin Bieber. I don't like his music. I just think he's adorable.

Elizabeth Blacks come and go on twitter. They definitely get some of my @ tweets.

Anyway, you should be proud, Linda. Proud to share a name with a Belieber. I know I would be.

Sierra Godfrey said...

Hmmm. It could be worse, I suppose. The other Linda Grimes could be a porn star -- you know the kind where their twitter icon is just a flesh-colored blob.

Linda G. said...

Elisabeth -- Belieber? GROAN!! (Good one.) And, sure, he's puppy-dog cute, but come on--the hair? What's up with his hair?

Sierra -- Actually, if the porn star had a really big rack--er, I mean, following--it might work to my benefit. ;)

Unknown said...

Ooo-- You should bait this imposter Linda Grimes by creating a "the future Mrs. Beiber" twidentity.

I've always hated that stupid "tailwind" hairdo, also known as the "i just rode a motorcycle backwards" do.

Hey-- I can comment now! ~yay~

Linda G. said...

Sue!! Hooray. :) And I'm laughing out loud at the motorcycle image. Hee!

Ruthanne Reid said...

*laughs* You poor thing. If it's any consolation...

I'm 34 years old, and I like Justin Bieber because I was a music major. He's extraordinarily talented (hence why he has fans from Usher to Lady Gaga), and I'm pretty sure when he finally hits puberty properly, he won't be quite as tease-worthy.

That'll happen someday, I'm sure. :D

Linda G. said...

Hi, Ruthanne! I'm sure the Bieb is a very talented young man--he's just been a little under my radar. I hope the music world is good to him. :)