Friday, July 29, 2011

WTF Friday

Aaaah. Amore. The sweet, sweet bliss of rolling over in bed, gazing at your beloved, and hearing the words that mean so much come tumbling from his lips...

"Who the f*ck are you?"

Um, yeah. Not exactly what I expected, either. But I guess it's nice there are still some surprises left after all these years together. And, before we were married, he did promise me life would never be dull.

As the astute among you may have surmised, TG sometimes talks in his sleep. Mostly incoherent stuff that sounds sort of like a turkey drowning*, but now and then the words are all too clear. Much to his chagrin.

The little gem quoted above had him apologizing and explaining for days. Yeah, I believed his claim that he'd been dreaming about an intruder (a really bad, nasty intruder, one he was valiantly trying to protect me from), and it was that miscreant he was addressing, not me. But it was kind of fun to prolong his agony by pretending to take great offense.

(Sadistic? Moi? Um ... well ... okay, maybe a bit.)

Of course, now it's just plain funny to both of us. All either of us has to do to convulse the other with laughter is stop, in the middle of whatever we're doing, and say, "Who the f*ck are you?"

(In fact, that's how I plan on inscribing his special copy In A Fix next summer.)

So, have you had any interesting surprises yourself lately? Or maybe a WTF** moment you'd care to share?

P.S. I noticed I've picked up a few new subscribers to the blog. Thank you, and welcome! Also, I'd like to apologize for the use of poorly masked profanity in this post. I'd like to, but I won't, since, frankly, I've done it before and am quite likely to do it again. I can't help it if I have a potty mouth. Click here for explanation. 

*Seriously. Imagine holding a turkey under water and listening to it gobble. Luckily, this doesn't happen often. Only when he's having a nightmare. Which is why I try to limit the number of scary movies we watch. 

**WTF = What the f*ck. In case this is your first time on the internet and haven't run across that acronym before.


Kimberly Sabatini said...

Ha! Poor TG!!! My WTF moment is not nearly as entertaining, but I want to know why I got a catalog with SNOW PANTS in it yesterday???? Really???? Why don't I just do my Christmas shopping now and get it out of the way???? Grrrrr

Summer Frey said...

Three nights ago I was sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden I'm jolted awake by a very loud, vehement "SH!T!" Hubby bolts out of bed and is yelling "get up! get up" the whole time. I have no idea what's going on, but in case the house is on fire, I roll off the bed. "What is it?" I keep asking him.

He looks at the bed, shakes his head and walks into the bathroom.

"What is it?" I keep asking as the fear on his face morphs into confusion.

Turns out, he woke up and thought he saw millions of black spiders on the comforter.

Guess I'm glad he thought of me.

Also, one time I woke up and clearly heard him say: "Sassafrass and gin...Sassafrass and rum...Sassafrass and...Sassafrass and...." and then he was silent.

Kelly Breakey said...

My recent WTF moment included The Captain, some shoes and the words falling from his lips...not mine.

Carol Kilgore said...

What a great post! And the comment tales, too.

Happy Weekend!

Anonymous said...

I've done that. Woken up in the middle of the night, looked over at my husband of 12 years, and thought, "Who is this man? Do I know him? Should I be concerned?"

Or the time my first husband shaved off his beard for the first time since I'd known him (six years into our relationship). I reached over half-asleep in the middle of the night, felt a clean-shaven face, and bolted up in bed thinking, "HOLY SH!T, what have I done?!?"

Steph Schmidt said...

Hehe TG most likely didn't remember the dream he had when he was sleep-talking. At least when I talk in my sleep I don't remember the dream (else I'd know the context for such gems as "You put butter on that" and "No no I can't. No I can't"). I actually never knew I talked in my sleep until I went to college.

Trisha Leigh said...

NIce. I love the fact that you used said incident to torture him. You are my hero.

I tweeted my most recent WTF moment, but it happened at Comic Con (lots to choose from) when someone asked a guy if he's seen The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and he responded. "I haven't seen the foreign one, I'm waiting for the real (read, American) one."

Um...because the one that you can actually watch is somehow more real than the one that doesn't exist?


Dianne K. Salerni said...

Hysterical! I could totally see my husband saying that to me in the middle of the night -- and not claiming it was a dream, either. Neither one of us is very pleasant or agreeable when woken up suddenly.

One of our family sayings is: NOTHING'S FUNNY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

Linda G. said...

K-pop -- I know what you mean! Sheesh. Can't they at least wait until after Labor Day? *rolls eyes*

Summer -- LOL! Also, EEK! Spiders? I think I'd rather have the sassafrass.

Kelly -- Now, THAT sounds like a great WTF moment! ;)

Carol -- Happy Weekend to you, too! :)

Diane -- I haven't seen TG clean-shaven since before we were married. I probably wouldn't recognize him if he shaved off his mustache.

Steph -- Ha! You put peanut butter on that? That must've been a fun dream.

Trisha -- Well, a smidge of cruelty adds spice to a marriage. ;)

Dianne -- I LIKE that saying! So true.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

My hubby sometimes jabbers in his sleep, too, but it's some of the actions he's taken while asleep that I find most hilarious. Like maybe he was dreaming about working on a car the night I woke up to find him hanging over the side of the bed, bare bottom in the air, busily "fixing" something under the bed.

Kasie West said...

LOL That's funny. My husband talks in his sleep sometimes too. He also sometimes springs out of bed from being dead asleep and starts searching the room for something. It kind of creeps me out. I might not be such an alert observer if not for the many nights I stay awake reading in bed. I guess this is one of the risks of such a venture. :)

Kari Lynn Dell said...

My husband laughs in his sleep. So does my kid. And neither of them will ever let me in on the joke.

Patsy said...

A complete stranger asked me my shoe size yesterday. That was a bit odd.

Randy said...

No WTF waking hubby stories for me cuz I don't have one--a hubby, that is (which is its OWN WTF story). But I narrowed down this week's WTF moments to this winner: I'm at work, it's around 10 a.m., and I'm about to exit the bathroom after, y'know, doing what you do in the bathroom. Something in the mirror catches my eye, and I think, what the f**k? Why haven't I ever noticed that white tag before? I peer closer. Oh, right. It's the laundry instructions. I'm wearing my dress inside out.

Sarah Tokeley said...

No wtf moments for me but I get loads of entertainment standing outside my daughter's bedroom door listening to her arguing with her sister in her sleep. I guess she gets all the stuff out that she doesn't say during the day :)

Sage Ravenwood said...

My other half has been a lead guitarist in numerous bands for the past 20+ years. Why tell you this. Because I never know when he'll belt out a Southern Rock song or air guitar in his sleep. He did it before I went deaf. He still does. I wouldn't be none the wiser except needing to dodge the fake arm of his guitar. Never a dull moment.

He laughs when I tell him. We joke he plays so much that it even invades his sleep. (Hugs)Indigo

abby mumford said...

hmm, my WTF moment wasn't silly and it didn't involve dreaming, though i wish it had. i was chatting with a coworker, who's been in the business for at least 15 years and at our current place of employment for 4.5 years, when he asked the difference between red and blue. okay, so i disguised his question to protect his stupidity, but it was a question as simple as that. WTF? you've been doing this for 15 years, how do you not know the basics?

Michele Shaw said...

LOL I love that you had to torture him just a bit. I would have done the same;)

Liz Reinhardt said...

One night my husband woke me up trying to get my pajama pants off. Figuring he was in the mood for some late night friskiness, I let him. But once he got them off, he rolled over and fell asleep with them clutched to his chest. So I was chilly AND confused all night! WTF!!

LOVE that you look at each other at random moments and repeat your inside joke. My husband and I always say, "I'll do what I want! I'm a grown ass man!"...the product of a very funny utterance he came up with during a heated fight that quickly turned hilarious.

Unknown said...

Oh, poor thing. I can only imagine how embarrassed he should have felt when you told him what happened after he woke up!! LOL
I wonder if he knows that you ALSO blogged about it!!!! :P

Al said...

surely there is no one who doesn't know what WTF means?