Monday, July 25, 2011

"You Might Wanna..."

As you head into this new week, there are a few tidbits of wisdom it might be wise to take with you.

(Don't ask me how I know these things. All I can tell you is, some of us are just born...um, intuitive. Yup. that's it. Intuitive.)


Before you...


...bite into that candy apple, you might wanna remember the bridge and three crowns in your mouth.


...throw a load of dark clothes into the washer, you might wanna check the pockets for Kleenex.



...you honk at (and flip off) the driver who neglected to come to a complete stop, and almost T-boned you as you returned home from grocery shopping, you might wanna make sure it's not your neighbor.



...in moment of marital playfulness flash your boobs at your husband, you might wanna make sure the blinds are closed. And that your neighbor isn't walking by your window.



...have that third martini, you might wanna remember how much you regretted the last third martini you had.


...brush your teeth, you might wanna remember your toothpaste isn't the only thing that comes in a tube.



...you bite into that banana pepper (bland), you might wanna make sure it's not really a wax pepper (ye-owch!).
<--Banana pepper / Wax pepper -->

(You can see why there might be some confusion.)












So, do you have any helpful additions to the "You Might Wanna" list? That you (of course) just know intuitively? Do share!

Please. I mean, think of the pain and suffering (not to mention embarrassment) your intuition might save some hapless soul.

27 comments:

Jessica Lemmon said...

You might wanna have an escape route off stage when you spontaneously jump up with your favorite band. If not, you could think a speaker is bolted to the floor when it's not and lose your balance, thus falling on your knees in front of 40 bystanders.

...or so I've heard.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Before you answer a text from your in-laws that says: "Prepare yourselves. We're on our way over for swim" ...

You might want to consider the relative responses of: "What do you mean? We have a pool full of teenagers right now!"

versus

"Happy to see you. Come on over."

Consider which one makes you seem like a cranky, bi*** and which one makes you seem friendly. Even if you didn't exactly want more visitors just then, in the long run it's often better to just go with the flow.

(And if a pool full of teenagers is not their idea of a good time, maybe next time they'll give you more notice.)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

You might wanta make sure your kids are out of earshot when observing a horse who's (ahem) VERY (I mean VERY) happy to see you ... and tease your hubby that it's "hung like Polack."

Jennifer Spiller said...

You might wanna check to make sure your husband didn't leave a (used) diaper on the bathroom floor under the kids dirty clothes, BEFORE you throw them all in the washing machine. Otherwise, you might discover the exciting dances which result when you have to shake, rattle and roll every piece of clothing to remove the little gel crystals. Oh, and then rewash the whole thing.

Erika Marks said...

Linda--I love these. I'd also add to double check the dishes in the dishwasher before you serve a meal with plates and cups that were actually not clean. Oops.

Oh, Jennifer--that happens in our house WEEKLY! I swear I look as I dump the wash into the machine, I swear I do, but ugh...They're just so sneaky, those things!

Carol Kilgore said...

I can't even count the number of times I didn't check jean pockets. But I remember well the time I thought I was eating a banana pepper.

Great post!

Jennifer Spiller said...

Erika, I can't tell you how glad it makes me to know I'm not the only person who has done that! (Oops. Did I say I did that? No, this was only from my massive imagination and intuition. Ahem).

Kerry Schafer said...

Before emailing a snarky comment to a friend about an email sent to you by a co-worker, you might want to make sure said co-worker is not on the CC list.

Tiffany Schmidt said...

Whenever there is peace and quiet in a house with small children, you might want to check and see WHY there's peace and quiet...

Also, rehearse these sentences: "No, no, no! Do NOT put that in your mouth."

Susan Adrian said...

Before you LOUDLY and impatiently comment on why it's taking SO FREAKING LONG to get down the train aisle...

you might want to check to see if there's a LEGLESS MAN on a SKATEBOARD ahead of you.

*cough*

Steve Clayworth said...

BEFORE lifting your friend's cute baby high overhead so he's looking down on you, you MIGHT want to make sure he hasn't just eaten a full meal.

*gurgle-gurgle-splarch*

Kimberly Sabatini said...

Ha! Love it and love you for sharing. I've been thinking about my might wanna's and I think you might not want to tack your contacts out right after eating hot peppers! *grin*

Sarah Pearson said...

You might wanna check that it's your partner at the door, and not a charity collector, before opening it wearing nothing but your underwear and a smile...I would imagine.

abby mumford said...

hrm, i don't have much to add other than the whole email CCing thing. ouch.

i guess this means i have a bunch of moments of intuitiveness barreling towards me...eek.

Steph Schmidt said...

You might want to rethink leaving the house without makeup to go to a friend's for movies because there will always be an impromptu trip to the store for provisions. The checkout person will always stare at the zit on your forehead.

Not that I've had this happen at all.

Indigo said...

I always forget to check pockets.

You might wanna turn on a light or have something on your feet when you get up in the middle of the night. Cats love leaving splatters of gack for you to step in.

And you might wanna make sure you don't actually say what you're thinking about your neighbors (family, etc.) out loud. (Hugs)Indigo

Linda G. said...

I am laughing so hard at all your comments! Truly, you are a wise bunch of women.

Linda G. said...

Er, and man. Sorry, Steve! :)

Monica B.W. said...

Gosh, I love your blog! :D Thanks for the laugh.

And you might wanna not wear PJs under coat to leave kids at school when your car is behaving weirdly (as in it-might-need-a-mechanic soon weird).

Indigo said...

Thought of another one:

You might wanna check your shampoo bottle after giving a dog a bath in the tub. You could possibly use the dog's shampoo by accident. At least you won't have fleas.(Hugs) Indigo

Patsy said...

You might wanna swallow your coffee BEFORE reading the intuitve advice on this blog.

muffintopmommy said...

You might wanna look before you go flying into traffic on your bike with no helmet! Seriously! I almost had a heart attack today when I thought a biker was going to get creamed by a car--I swear he missed him by like a quarter of an inch!! I wanted to cream the guy for riding his bike like that and even the kids were all, "Hey, he should have a helmet on!" Good lesson at least. now that my nerves are shot!! MEEP!(Sorry for the un-funny example! I'm seriously all bleeping unnerved!!)

Sierra Godfrey said...

Judging by how many people in the news super glue their eyelids together, you might wanna NOT keep your superglue in the medicine cabinet where it can be mistaken for eyedrops. (Who does that, even?)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

You might wanna...not walk and Facebook. *trips*
lol. Loved it.

Keriann Greaney Martin said...

Very wise words. Your posts always make me laugh, and Mondays always need extra laughs! :D.

out of the wordwork said...

*snork!* Your wisdom is priceless!
Thanks - as always - for the giggles!
Nelsa

Linda G. said...

Hahahahahha! Y'all are the best. I bow to your wisdom, and hope you've been fairly warned by experie--er, intuition. ;)