Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Age-Defying Boobs and Other Perks

Boy, you can really tell the Baby Boomer generation is getting up there. Still a huge force in the world of commerce, though. Seems like every product out there now is labeled "Age Defying!"

Can somebody please tell me why we're supposed to "defy" age? I mean, sure, getting older has its drawbacks. The extra aches and pains aren't much fun. The wrinkles character lines are no fun. Gravity can be a bitch, too. But even with all that, it still beats the only surefire alternative: dying young.

(I guess. Who really knows? I'm certainly not volunteering to find out.)

If you have to go with "age defying" as a descriptor, though, must you apply it to every frickin' product out there? Lotions and makeup, okay. Makes a certain sense. But bras?

Yes, on my recent shopping trip to update my undergarments, I was confronted with a bra labeled "Age Defying!" Come on! Gravity defying, maybe. But can't we leave age out of my lingerie? I've seen plenty of young women -- teenagers, even -- whose girls could use a boost, so it isn't all about age.

In the interest of full disclosure (heh-heh), yes, I did buy it. But only because it was comfortable. (No underwire.) The fact that it does, indeed, restore a certain perkiness to my profile is, I assure you, strictly incidental.

I feel kind of like I caved to advertising pressure, though. To atone, I will think up reasons...

WHY GETTING OLDER DOESN'T TOTALLY SUCK: 

(Warning: this could be a short list.)

1. One does get smarter with age. (Not that you can always remember the stuff you're smarter about. But since you also get better at making sh*t up, that mostly doesn't matter.)

2. Those "lifetime warranties" on the stuff you purchased when you were younger really start to pay off.

3. The kids are mostly housebroken.

4. Um...okay, people, help me out here...

Or you can just sit back an imagine perkiness of my profile. I'm not saying the girls point straight up or anything, but...never mind. Let's all just focus on the age thing.

And I'd really be interested in learning more ways getting older doesn't suck. Best answer wins an assortment of old reading glasses.

27 comments:

Anne Gallagher said...

How shall I put this... As we (women) age gracefully, I think there's a certain smile that we can use to, hmmmm, allow our significant other to, um, follow our lead to whichever room we would care to indulge in.

Younger women may have that enticement, but as mature women, I think the smile means so much MORE.

Linda G. said...

Anne -- Oh, good one! Note to self: strip less, smile more.

Summer Frey said...

Lifetimes warranties, huh? I'll have to remember that one.

Can't help you today, I'm afraid. But I do agree that many women could use anti-grav bras...Or just bras period...

Lola Sharp said...

Well I turned 41 last week..."Age defying" grabs my attention.

That said, I have a big...rack. And have always had to fork over for expensive, good quality bras. Even in my teens and 20s. I'm not sure how much age defying is going on with a bra, but boobs shouldn't be hanging down to anyone's waist. A good supportive bra is crucial at any age.

As for what's good about aging, aside from still being alive, I think your #1: the smarter/wisdom with age is kinda nice. Small things don't bother me. I've been a lot of places, met a lot of people, seen a lot of things. (lots of writing fodder, yes?)

Also, I don't have the financial stress that I had in my 20's. We have a nice, big house and money in the bank, etc.
My daughter is 15 and she is housebroken and still a good kid. I'm not sure what 16-18 will bring me. o_0

I am NOT loving the extra maintenance to look good.

Hugs,
Lola

abby mumford said...

i think the wisdom/smarts thing should could for at least two items...

Jen J. Danna said...

#4. It's immensely better than the alternative.

I write forensic anthropology-related crime fiction. Anything you want to know about human decomposition, I can tell you, and it's really not pretty. So trust me, getting old is MUCH better than that! ;)

Linda G. said...

Summer -- Hmm. Maybe we could invent the helium-infused bra. Now, that would supply some lift! ;)

Lola -- Yeah, experience is always a good thing for a writer. The older you are, the more you've had time to do, and hence can write about. And it is nice to shed some of the early financial stress, too. Good additions! :)

Abby -- I'm cool with that. ;)

Linda G. said...

Jen -- Oh, cool! If I need a dead body expert, I'll come to you.

And, yeah, deteriorating older bodies are a lot better than decomposing dead ones. ;)

Deborah said...

Ahem. Where did you buy that bra? Doesn't it come in a Long? LoL!

Between your boobs and Tawna's thongs I'm enjoying a wicked start to my Wednesday.

Happy Hump Day!
Deb

Kasie West said...

I could use an age/gravity defying bra. That advertising would have totally worked on me. :) And how about for on of the advantages of old age: grandkids. My parents always say, grandkids have all the perks of kids except you can send them home when they start to annoy you.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. I spent three hours at the local salon the other day, and that was just for the estimate. (bada-BOOM!)

There's lots of good things about getting older. Like nowadays, we can throw a wild party, and our neighbors don't complain anymore, because they don't even notice. And it's goodbye tension, hello pension. Retirement's great if you don't mind eating cat food every now and then ... (just kidding!)

Darn, I was thinking about blogging about getting marvelously mature today, too, but now I reckon I'm gonna have to come up with something else. (That's what I get for reading other blogposts before writing my own!)

Linda G. said...

Deb -- Kohl's. It's made by Vanity Fair. You can get age defying with or without underwire. ;)

Kasie -- Yeah, I'm looking forward to having grandkids someday, but I'm in no rush. ;)

Susan -- nothing wrong with shared blog themes. Go for it! Bet you have a highly amusing take on aging. :)

Candyland said...

My Gram would say the best perk of getting older is doing whatever the BLEEP you want like creating your own front row parking place at the grocery store.

Jennifer Shirk said...

Ok, two and three cracked me up!

When my dad was approaching the "senior citozen" age, he bought a book on all the freebies you can get. Like...McDonalds used to give you a free coffee to seniors. (Not sure if they still do that)

But here's to all the FREE stuff we can look forward to!

S. Schmidt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steph Schmidt said...

As you get older, you remember the awesome things (like drinks) that have gone out of style. Then you bring them back into fashion going out with the younger set.

And more time to sleep. I miss sleep.

Linda G. said...

Candyland -- Your Gram sounds like my kind of woman! ;)

Jennifer -- Oh, boy! I can hardly wait! Hold on there -- strike that. I can wait. ;)

Steph -- I'm counting on you to spread the word about real martinis, grasshopper. ;)

Michele Shaw said...

I give 5 stars to the Victoria's Secret Bio-lift. (Currently wearing one in cheetah pattern). A perk? Hmmm. You can buy prunes in bulk without wasting them? ;)

Patty Blount said...

Well, I think experience should count for something, no? As we age, we don't just know stuff, we know WHAT TO DO WITH the stuff, if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

My father-in-law was fond of saying, the only alternative to growing old is dying young, and sadly he died younger than anyone would have liked.

I guess the best way to defy Age is to not let age stop us in any way! Take that, Age!

Kimberly Sabatini said...

The good news is that I'm at the age where I can afford the really good sports bras!!!! Title Nine has the best!!!!! LOL!

Jonathon Arntson said...

The kids are mostly housebroken...

HAHAHAHAHA

That made my week, thanks!

Monica B.W. said...

Older women have more experience in, um, well--how do I put it? Under the sheets? ;)

Kelly Breakey said...

When we first got married the Captain and I had furniture that homeless people wouldn't keep. As the years have passed we learned that it is better to invest in quality and not save all of our money for partying. *sigh* For me staying up late means midnight...if I am lucky.

Linda G. said...

Michelle -- I'll have to check out that Bio-lift. Sounds kind of scientific. Or else like a British elevator. And LOL about the prunes!

Patty -- Yeah! That's right. Go, experience! And I'm definitely picking up what you're putting down. ;)

Dianne -- Good plan! Back off, Age!

Kimmie -- LOL! I so rarely need a sports bra. A regular one works well enough for walking. Haven't knocked myself out with "the girls" yet. ;)

Jonathon -- Glad I could give you a laugh. :)

Monica -- LOL! True, that. And what was it Ben Franklin said? "All cats are gray in the dark?" ;)

Kelly -- Yeah, it makes better sense to go for quality when you can. More economical in the long run.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

My favorite is number four: "help me out here people." Bwahaha! You couldn't even find five! Hahaha!

Sierra Gardner said...

Not sure if it was intentional, but the title cracked me up! Age-defying boobs and other perks. Definitely brought a smile to my face =)