Friday, September 10, 2010

Knives and wives and girlfriends, oh my!

I'm so excited!!!

Why, you ask? What could possibly have Linda jumping up and down to the extent she wishes she'd invested in a heavy duty sports bra?

Well, I'll tell you. I just found out The Flying Karamazov Brothers are coming back to The Barns (the theater where TG is the reigning deity) next month, with their show entitled "4-Play."*

These guys are fan-effing-tastic! A comedy troupe that juggles. Yes, a juggling comedy troupe! Sooo funny, sooo talented, AND they sometimes wear KILTS!

Didja hear that, ladies? I said KILTS! And they all have really nice legs, which would be enough to make me watch them, but did I mention they also juggle while wearing kilts? What's not to love about that?

Aah, memories... *loses self in reverie*

You see, this is not the first time the troupe of kilted jugglers has been here. Many, many moons ago (as in, the '90s -- you know, the Dark Ages), The Flying Karamazov Brothers came to play at The Barns. The troupe has morphed since then--only one of the original members is left--but the spirit of F-U-N is the same.

On that memorable occasion, I actually got to be up close and personal with the guys. They were doing two shows--a matinee and an evening performance--so naturally TG, being the hospitable guy he is, invited the whole troupe and crew to our house for a meal in between. Even though we had two little kids at home, I don't really cook, and my elderly aunt from Sweden was visiting. Not that I'm holding a grudge or anything. I mean, I agreed and all. Still, I think he owes me for pulling it off.

Yeah, I know. Me, cooking. It is to laugh. But it's amazing what you can do with two frozen lasagnas (one with meat and one without, because there's always a vegetarian in an artsy crowd), bags o' salad, and baguettes from the bakery. If there's anyone who can throw together a passable meal without actually cooking, it's me.

The first thing you should know about jugglers is, duh, they juggle. All the time, apparently. Whatever they can get their hands on will go flying through the air. Yes, they're always honing those mad skillz.

Honing is what makes them professionals. *looks meaningfully at all writers reading this* Take from that what you will.

Part of The Karamazov Brothers' schtick is a trick called "The Gamble," in which one of them (designated "The Champ") juggles any three items provided by the audience (as long as the items weigh more than an ounce, less than 10 lbs, are no bigger than a breadbox, and are not live animals**). Said items are voted on by the audience members, so the guys don't know in advance what they will have to juggle.

TG says the most memorable thing an audience member brought to The Barns for this trick was a pig stomach stuffed with green jello. Eeew.

(I believe animal parts have since been added to the list of no-nos, at least at The Barns. So if you're planning to come to the show, don't bring any. Frankly, TG doesn't want to deal with it.)

They have another bit, called "The Terror Trick," wherein they juggle a salt shaker, a cleaver, a flaming torch, an egg, a block of dry ice, a fish, a ukelele, a bottle of champagne (with the safety wire removed), and a skillet. By the end of the trick, they're frying the fish and egg in the skillet, and drinking the champagne.

(Huh. Maybe I should've let them cook...)

At my house, they limited themselves to juggling a peanut, a bottle from the bar, a banana from the fruit basket, and a knife. Oh, and one of them was also juggling his girlfriend and his wife (who showed up *cough* unexpectedly to visit him on the tour). That was rather awkward.

What could a good hostess do? Other than seat them all at separate tables, smile brightly, and engage the wife in a halting Swedish-English conversation, with the help of a handy visiting aunt, while TG enlisted everyone else's aid in keeping the girlfriend from drinking too much wine and spilling the beans to the clueless wife over dessert.

Gotta love showbiz.

(No, I won't tell you which Karamazov brother it was. Contrary to the impression I may have left on loyal readers of this blog, I do have some discretion. Doesn't matter anyway--he's no longer with the troupe. I suspect the on-the-road "juggling" became too much of a challenge for his personal life to sustain.)

Anyway, I cannot wait to see their new show. TG hasn't said yet if he's invited them over for an encore meal. I suspect he's waiting to see if any of them have additional *cough-cough* baggage to deal with before making the commitment.

*Admit it. You were expecting me to make a crass foreplay joke here, weren't you? Well, some set-ups are just too easy. No challenge. Besides, you were already thinking it, so what's the point?

**TG tells me the items also cannot present a danger to the audience or the juggler, should a mishap occur. So you wouldn't be allowed to give them, say, a balloon full of sulfuric acid or a piece of dynamite. In case you were considering it.


Kelly Breakey said...

I want to come. I want to come. Sounds like an amazing show and so much fun!

I have to confess, you had me at kilts. There is just something about a man in a skirt. I think this year I am going to make my husband into a scottish laird for Halloween.

Thanks for the inspiration.

PS He said thank you too. Although I think that was more tongue in cheek.

Jessica Lemmon said...

WOW! They look AWESOME... AND you entertained! Impressive, impressive indeed. And the part about "juggling" the wife and girlfriend? Your description is priceless, and witty, thanks for the laugh.

Donna Cummings said...

I also liked how the juggler decided to "up the stakes" by juggling his personal life. Too funny!

And men in kilts. . .ahhh, what a great way to start the day!

Summer Frey said...

Wow, that looks so fun! I'm just tickled at their names...

Elizabeth Ryann said...

So fun! I think they need some sort of acrobatic element, though, it's what they're missing. You should join them on the trapeze. You could put the "flying" in The Flying Brothers Karamazov.

Confession: I have not honed today.

Unknown said...

Okay...kilts and jugglers. It seems so wrong, but the video is awesome. They are always in NYC...I should go.

Steph Schmidt said...

Perfect way to kick off a Friday, and this is after I stopped drooling over the kilts.

Candyland said...

It takes a real man to wear a skirt and look good doing it.

Crystal said...

I saw a man in a kilt once.

It was on Bourbon St. in New Orleans, during Mardi Gras.

I have -no- desire to see another man in a kilt. He ruined it. Forever ruined it. Actually, he scarred me, and scared me and I had to have another drink because of him. It was horrible.

But maybe that's because it NOLA and it was Mardi Gras. hehe.

Trisha Leigh said...

You may have changed my opinion on men in skirts.

Linda G. said...

Kelly -- It IS an amazing show. And tell your hubs anytime. Also, if you convince him to don a kilt for Halloween, take pics. ;)

Jessica -- Aw, thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Donna -- Yeah, I guess flaming torches just aren't dangerous enough for some people. ;)

Summer -- Yup, me too. Gotta love some Dosteyevsky. ;)

Elizabeth -- Oh, yeah. Right. Because we all know how much I love flying. ;) Now, go forth and hone!

Jeannie -- You really should! I bet you'd enjoy it. :)

SM -- Hard not to drool over men in kilts, huh?

Candyland -- You said it!

Crystal --You obviously just haven't seen the RIGHT man in a kilt yet. ;)

Trisha -- Yay! A convert! :) I want to start an American Kilt movement. Care to join me?

A. S. Boudreau said...

only man in a Kilt I could ever like is Ewan McGregor. Coming from a gay woman.. he could turn me back. yep. lmao

Linda G. said...

A.S. -- LOL! Mr. McGregor certainly does have his appeal, especially in a kilt. ;)