Monday, September 27, 2010

Mo(o)nday Silliness

WARNING: Today's blog post contains "poetry" of questionable taste; i.e., limericks. Some of them might be accurately classified as "naughty." If such things offend your delicate sensibilities, feel free to gaze upon this lovely photo of the nighttime sky instead of reading further.

Hello, Monday! 

Do not
Have a good
Idea for a post
today, so I am playing

(That's supposed to be a tree, but TG thinks it looks more like an upside-down amphora. Oh, well. I tried.)

I know! How about a limerick to cheer things up? 

There once was a day full of EEK!
So dismal, so dreary, so BLEAK!
Instead of a fun day,
'Twas so very Monday,
It ruined the start of the week. 

Oops. That didn't work out so well, did it? Let's try again:

There once was a man named McDuff
Who liked to play golf in the buff.
With one mighty swing
He knocked off his thing,
And lost both of his balls in the rough.  

Okay, that was a leetle bit naughty, wasn't it? But, hey, it's Monday. Monday need something to perk it up. Dirty limericks work for me. 

Back in the days when TG and I were first married, and struggling to make the mortgage payment every month, we didn't have much of an entertainment budget. Or any kind of a budget, really, aside from food and shelter. (And sometimes food was iffy. There were plenty of months we rounded out our diet with popcorn and beer from the theater. Never missed a mortgage payment, though.)

Anyway, when our cheap TV broke, we couldn't rush right out to replace it. While we waited for the next paycheck to roll in, we kept ourselves entertained by writing each other (usually naughty, but not always) limericks. "McDuff" was our very first joint effort, so it has great sentimental value for us. I'm considering embroidering it on a sampler, and hanging it over the fireplace.

Here's another early effort:

There once was a couple named Grimes
Who came upon very hard times.
For their Art they did suffer,
With nary a buffer,
'Cept writing each other dumb rhymes.

Ah, good times. :)

There *cough* may have been an  adult libation consumed before this one erupted:

 In London a fishmonger, Alice,
Used an electrical eel as a phallus.
When it started to glow
Her smile sure did grow--
Bigger than Buckingham Palace.

[Aside: Always marry someone with a similar sense of humor, because if you can't laugh at the same things, what's the point?]

Since I'm nice, I'll spare you the limericks we composed about "Chuck" and "Mrs. Hunt" and "Rick." ;)

So, have you ever had to come up with cheap entertainment? If so, what was it? 


Jessica Lemmon said...

LMAO! I *needed* that! Thanks!

Cheap entertainment? Of course! Sure the video gaming system cost something, but the hubs & I have spent countless hours playing "Dr. Mario" to the death! (Dr. Mario is a tetris like game against your opponent.)

And Rummy, even Scrabble at times. I still have the notebook full of our scores from when we played 500 Rummy on our bed in the old apartment.

Ahhh, good times.

Anne Gallagher said...

Thanks for the early morning funnies. I LOVE those limericks. You're very talented Linda.

Oh please share the one with Mrs. Hunt.

muffintopmommy said...

Ahh, a laugh on a rainy Monday...thanks for that! Love the golfing one...must show that one to the hubs!
Cheap entertainment? Nothing as clever as you, my friend.

Unknown said...

ahahaha! LOVE this post. oh, and i thought that tree was an an arrow, pointing up to that lovely picture :)

Talei said...

Hahaha! OMG, these are hysterical! You and your Mr Grimes sure are talented. ;) And I agree - you must be with the one you can laugh with. I can't think straight after reading these let alone pull out some cheap entertainment.

demery said...

As I follow your blog, Linda, a portrait is emerging... of you and the Mr. and your life together. I like you people!!


My husband and I once amused ourselves by going through the alphabet and attempting to name a body part that begins with each letter. He's a science geek who's taken a lot of anatomy classes, and I'm the wordsmith, so we did pretty well between the two of us. Oh, and part of the challenge was that whoever came up with the answer had to kiss that body part on the other person. Good times.


Kelly Breakey said...

I think every Monday should be dirty limrick post day!

Just saying.

Michele Shaw said...

Linda, you ALWAYS make me laugh! A gift I treasure.

Sierra Godfrey said...

I love it!!

I'm ashamed (but laughing) to say that poo jokes pretty much do it in my household. And when we opened my son's new playdough set last week and found a pristine can of brown playdough ripe for the making of certain shapes and then laughing at them...I'm sorry to say my husband and I did not set a very good example for our son. But we were splitting sides laughing.

Linda G. said...

Jessica -- I'm not much into video games, but TG once spent the week between Christmas and New Year's trying to beat Sonic Spinball. It was quite the obsession. Eventually, I had to hide the controller from him. ;)

PW -- Thanks! But I'm afraid Mrs. Hunt is a leetle too X-rated to share. I'm sure your imagination can fill in the pertinent words, though. ;)

Muffintop -- You're so welcome. And thanks for laughing! :)

Karla -- It DOES look like an arrow, now that you mention it. Pointing right at the mooning moon. ;)

Talei -- Thank you so much! Always happy to provide a cheap and tawdry laugh. ;)

Demery -- Aw, thanks! I like you and your wonderful writing-prompt blog, too. One of these days I may even find the time--and the guts--to post something there. ;)

Tawna -- LOL! I can think of something for most letters, but X and Z have me stumped. The kissing part sounds like fun though. *waggles eyebrows*

Kelly -- Hey, it could happen. Especially if I get stumped for ideas after a busy weekend again. ;)

Michele -- Aw, thanks. That makes me happy. :)

Sierra -- LOL! Hey, I'm all for scatological humor. When I was a kid, my brother found a meteorite that looked exactly like dog doo. We had more fun laying that around the house, and listening to our mother yell at our poor dog, Sparky. Ah, cheap laughs.

Elizabeth Ryann said...

I feel like I'm missing out by not hearing the omitted poems. Just saying. They sound rather like the fantastic poem my friend Kerri and I composed for the year book in fifth grade where we rhymed the immortal lines:

The cafeteria has lots of yeast
Our principal is not yet deceased

You're welcome.

Linda G. said...

Elizabeth -- LOL! I'll trust your imagination to fill in the omitted poems. It's obvious from your contribution that you have a good one. ;)

demery said...

Linda - I would love it if you would come write on my blog. You would ROCK it!! I think you've just been holding back so as not to blow us all out of the water :) But no pressure!! And, of course, it's set up so that everyone gets to be creative without critique. So even if you do blow us out of the water no one will be able to say it out loud.

abby mumford said...

this post is (a) hilariously silly and (b) very timely. i have to come up with a limerick (or two) for my friend's bachelorette party this weekend. i just wish she was a golfer!

Trisha Leigh said...

This. Is. Hilarious.

Best Monday blog post ever. In addition to being a lovely rhymer, you have inspired me to think marriage can indeed be amusing, entertaining, and worthwhile.

No small feat. :)

Linda G. said...

Demery -- LOL! I'm flattered you'd think that, but really it's a matter of finding time to come up with anything decent. :)

Abby -- Oooh, good luck with your limericks. I find having a drink gets the creative juices flowing for that kind of writing. Just a suggestion. ;)

Trisha -- Glad I could give you a laugh. Marriage is indeed amusing, entertaining, and totally worthwhile. Once you find the right person. :)

Elisabeth Black said...

I think I need an adult libation.

Patty Blount said...

I second the motion! Every Monday should be Limerick Day.

I read these on Friday, but no less humorous.

Adriana said...

Thanks for the laugh -- even though I'm reading this on a Friday and not Monday, the naughty limericks are still awesome! :) I hope Alice and Chuck are doing well! :)