Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Things I Probably Shouldn't Be Proud Of...

...but am nonetheless.

Photo courtesy of Doesn't he (she?) look proud?

1. I'm quite the punster. I know, I know...lowest form of humor, yadda-yadda. I don't care. Twisting words around is funny. (Nothing makes me happier than making someone groan. Just ask TG. *waggles eyebrows*)

2. If there is an innuendo to be found in any given turn of phrase, I will find it. (See above.)

3. My daughter can cuss like a sailor when the situation warrants. No, make that more like a retired sailor who is now a longshoreman. (She gets that from me. *buffs nails on shirt*)

4. So can my son. (He gets it from his sister.)

(Let me hasten to add that they don't swear in inappropriate situations. They've never, for instance, dropped an F-bomb in front of their grandparents...on Christmas Day...or Easter...that I know of...)

5. The range officer at the shooting range called me the next Annie Oakley. Said I was a natural. (Hmmm...though he was kind of trying to cop a sneaky feel at the time, so in retrospect he may not have been talking about my aim.)

6. I can eat half a pan of brownies without blinking an eye. Or throwing up. (No, I don't do this often. But I can.)

7. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem without using my hands.

8. I have never had a pedicure. (Well, other than the ones I've given myself.) Yes, I have virgin toes. Probably about the only way that word still applies to me.

9. My thumbs are double-jointed, aka "hitchhiker's thumbs." I have no idea why this makes me proud, except that it's a part of my dad that lives on in me.

10. I can yawn without opening my mouth.* (A skill I picked up in an evening class--"Decision Making"--back in college. Three hours straight, every Wednesday night, about making "balance sheets" for every decision in your life. I *cough* decided practicing my covert yawning skills was a wise use of the time.)

*Though my nostrils do flare a bit when I do it.

So, what are you proud of? (If you absolutely can't come up with something inappropriate, then something appropriate will do.) 

Happy Hump Day! Be Proud. Be very proud. :)


Unknown said...

Tie a knot in a cherry stem, no hands? Oh la la, Linda! You should be falling out of the sky with James Bond, not the Queen.

What am I proud of? I have the most destructive elbows in the world. Eeeeyah!

Happy Hump Day. And Happy 12/12/12!

Linda G. said...

A.N. -- Oh, me & Danny boy? I like the sound of that! And I'm impressed with your elbow skills. Bet that comes in handy at the mall this time of year. ;)

Delia said...

I'm with you on 1, 2, 5, 6, and 10. (All right, no one was trying to cop a feel, but I'm still a decent shot.) Hmm...I once wrote a short story full of f-bombs and then let my mom read it. If you knew my mom, you'd know how gargantuan that particular feat was. Also, I'm of Irish and Canadian descent, but am rarely drunk and don't like beer. So there's that. I guess what I'm really saying is, I got nothing.

I can't do the cherry stem thing, either. Clearly, you are a hugely talented individual.

Linda G. said...

Delia -- Or else I clearly spend too much time mastering inconsequential things. ;)

Kimberly Sabatini said...

When I puff up my cheeks to hold my breath when swimming, my upper lip completely covers my nose and that's how I learned to hold my breath underwater. I look ridiculous but I can't do it the other way. I call it my aquatic adaption LOL!

Linda G. said...

K-pop -- Oh, I love that! Only now I want to see a picture. *grin*

Unknown said...

I second your came out weird. Eh, whatever. you know what i meant. i think.

abby mumford said...

i have this innate ability to get lost and it often rubs off on people. yes, even those who rarely ever get lost -- i can transfer my superpower to them.

Judy,Judy,Judy. said...

I love puns but I'm not very good at doing them.
Is irreverence a talent? If it is then I have that covered.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

We're well-matched, except for that cherry stem-tying skill you have. (Hey! We can be the entertainment at parties; you tie cherry stems, and I'll wiggle my ears.) I also have the ability to find inappropriate humor in darned near any situation. My cousin and I once ate an entire cheesecake in one sitting, too. (I know! Amazing, huh?) How, you ask? One sliver at a time.

Patty Blount said...

This is an impressive list.

I have no list.

I can do the Spock Hand, does that count? Live long and prosper.

Teri Anne Stanley said...

I can ride a unicycle. At least, I could when I was in fifth grade, and since it's only got one wheel, it ought to be easier to pick up again than, say, riding a bicycle, right?

Carol Kilgore said...

I learned the skill of closed-mouth yawning in boring business meetings.

My only other claim to fame is I can pinch with my toes. Really hard.

Diane Henders said...

We were separated at birth! I'm right there with you on everything but the thumbs and the offspring (I never reproduced, for which the world should be profoundly grateful).

I am (inappropriately) proud of my ability to gross out almost anybody, anytime, anywhere. I've spent most of my life hanging out with guys; my best friend was an ER nurse; and I effortlessly remember every obscene limerick I've ever heard.

I'm a gross-out *ninja*. The most difficult part is using my powers for good instead of evil...

Patsy said...

I'm proud of my ability to make snort inducing comments at the exact moment that colleagues have taken a large gulp of tea. It took practice, but it was worth the effort.

Huntress said...

*still laughing*

Hm. Something I'm proud of AND inappropriate. A big order methinks.

*roll up sleeves*

I don't mind going to the dentist for a grind and fill job but HATE getting my hair cut.

Elisabeth Black said...

I'm trying hard to envision what a closed-mouth yawn looks like. Also, that camel is ace.

Linda G. said...

Karla -- LOL! Sadly, I did.

Abby -- Wow. I AM impressed. I have a lousy sense of direction, but I've never been able to transfer it.

JJJ -- Yes. Irreverence is a fantastic talent. One of the best. ;)

Susan -- Ha! I have feeling partying with you would be great fun. And I'm impressed with your cheesecake skills.

Patty -- Of course the Spock hand counts! It's an essential, as far as I'm concerned.

Teri Anne -- Whoa! I'm impressed you ever could, whether you still can or not!

Carol -- That could come in handy if you get irritated with someone while your hands are full.

Diane -- Considering how much older I am, that would've been the world's longest labor. ;)

Patsy -- Now, that's what I call an enviable talent!

Huntress -- Okay, I'm not crazy about haircuts, either, but I wouldn't put going to the dentist above them. *grin*

Elisabeth Black said...

Oh, Diane Henders's comment made me remember that I can do the same thing, but I only do it to my husband. I use my writerly adjective skills. It's really satisfying.

Al said...

What a handy set of skills. Especially covert yawning!

Linda G. said...

Elisabeth -- Nice! This writer stuff can really come in handy, huh? *grin

Al -- Yeah, the covert yawn has saved my bacon on numerous occasions. ;)

Jennifer Shirk said...

Girl, I get pedicures regularly. Don't worry. I'll take you sometime. It's painless. LOL

My kiddo's thumbs must be double-jointed too. She can bend them WAY back so that they touch her wrists. *shudders*

Anne Gallagher said...

Wow, I don't know how I missed this post. I'm with you on cherry stems and swearing like a truck driver, oh and yawning inconspicuously.

I'm most proud that I can do accents, (Drama school 1984) which makes my daughter hysterical when I read books to her. Also it doesn't hurt to be a little "British" in this southern state. Somehow people think you're a lot better than you are when you speak with an English accent.

Jessica Lemmon said...

WHOA! Teri Anne! I wish I could ride a unicycle. *pouts*

I can write, in cursive, backwards so when you hold the paper up to a mirror, you can read it perfectly.

I don't think that's in any way handy, however. Pity.

Unknown said...

Hahaha! This post made me laugh--and K-pop's comment too!
I've never had a pedicure either! :P
I'm proud of how my kids are learning English--but they're learning swear words esp.! Meep!