Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning....

In our household Mother's Day is traditionally a drinking holiday.

Oh, I'm not saying drinking like the Fourth of July drinking, or even New Year's Eve drinking, but the occasional Mimosa or champagne cocktail would not be considered out of place. After all, what better way to celebrate motherhood than to numb some of the side effects?

Sadly, this year my day did not effervesce with the traditional Bubbles of Euphoria. Because I was afraid to partake.

Yes, I, the 2-cherry Manhattan lovin', martini-swilling mama, was terrified to take even a single sip of an intoxicant. (Are you crying for me yet?)

Reason: Benign Positional Vertigo.

Which basically means the room spins if you tilt your head the wrong way. Possibly caused by labyrinthitis (a viral infection of the inner ear) or maybe by allergies (highly likely, considering our pollen counts lately)

When I woke up a few days ago, and rolled over in bed, I was overwhelmed by the same sensation one might expect after ingesting that ill-advised third martini. Now, it's not that I've never experienced the bed-spins before, but I've always had a pretty good time beforehand. In this case, I hadn't.

I managed to get myself upright, and all seemed okay. A passing thing, I thought. Until, while sitting on the toilet, I reach down to pick up a stray q-tip from the floor in front of me...and fell off the seat.

Okay, now that I had never done before. Even at my most inebriated (which, if I'm honest, isn't ever anything to brag about, because I tend to fall asleep before getting to the truly entertaining stage) I have always managed to keep myself firmly plastered (you should pardon the expression) to the toilet seat.

"Honey, are you okay?" the theater called when he heard me crash into the wall set conveniently close to the throne.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, and picked myself up. "Just, uh, trying to change the roll of toilet paper."

I quickly figured out that if I held my head upright I could keep the room from spinning out of control, but the underlying vague dizziness continued. Know what a day of that causes?

Uh-huh.

Motion sickness. Whee. Spent the following evening getting better acquainted with my new best porcelain buddy.

If you'd like to get a good feel for my weekend, just have three or four martinis and watch this vid of my current theme song over and over again:



Fortunately, my tenure as the proverbial dizzy blond seems to be winding down. I was saved by the doctor-recommended Epley Maneuver. Apparently going through this very specific set of gyrations knocks your inner ear back into proper working order in about 80% of vertigo cases. It's holding true for me so far.

Now, there were some upsides to the whole dizzy blond thing. For instance, the theater god didn't think it would be safe for me to shower by myself, and helpfully offered to assist. (Isn't he a saint?) And laundry got put on hold, because walking up and down the basement stairs didn't seem like the best plan. And if I sat still on the sofa I could read or watch TV without too much difficulty.

But honestly? Next year I'd rather just have a drink.

10 comments:

Candyland said...

My God. I hope you feel better soon. That blows.

Linda G. said...

Candyland -- Thanks! :) I'm already a lot better than I was. I'm a believer in that Epley Maneuver thing now. It makes all the difference.

Kelly Breakey said...

Linda...can I just say. I am speechless. Spewed my coke zero all over my computer when I got to the point that you literally fell off the toilet. And no fun was had beforehand. Now that's just a shame. Thanks for the laugh.

Linda G. said...

Kelly -- The falling off the seat could've been a lot worse, believe me. At least I wasn't caught midstream. Er, so to speak. ;)

Indigo said...

Glad your feeling better now.

As soon as you started describing the symptons I immediately thought inner ear. So many people don't realize your inner ear is not only responsible for hearing, but your balance as well. Right before I went deaf I had episodes of literally walking into walls, falling down stairs...

I know from experience - not fun. (Hugs)Indigo

Cynthia Reese said...

I've had this (not to the extent you have), and it is the weirdest, sickest sensation. That's truly the reason I feel like I haven't missed anything by NOT partaking in a three-martini lunch -- I've thought, "People actually drink to get THIS feeling??"

Glad you're feeling better, and thanks for the link! Maybe this will help me the next time I have it.

Linda G. said...

Indigo -- I knew about the inner ear connection with balance, but I'd never experienced it myself quite so vividly.

I'm sorry you ultimately lost your hearing, but sure glad you didn't kill yourself falling down those stairs! I've been gripping the rail pretty tightly myself these past few days. :)

Cynthia -- Well, to be honest, the feeling you get from a drink or two is much more pleasant than vertigo. It was just the only sensation at all similar I could use as a comparison. But don't take my word for it--try it out yourself! ;)

Re the Epley Maneuver: yeah, I was quite impressed with it. I would definitely recommend it--I'll be using it again myself, should the occasion arise. Though I sure hope it doesn't--it's quite disconcerting.

Tawna Fenske said...

Oh, crap! I hope you feel better soon! Sounds a bit like what our 14yo Australian Shepherd has been diagnosed with, though I seriously doubt you're plagued with what the vet refers to as "Old Dog Syndrome."

Be well!
Tawna

KarenG said...

That actually sounds really frightening. Especially before it gets diagnosed. I'd be thinking I had a stroke or something! Sounds like it's easily cured however, which is a relief. Wow, what a Mother's Day that was for you. Crazy dizzy stuff!

Linda G. said...

Tawna -- I dunno. Some days "Old Dog Syndrome" sounds like the perfect description. Anybody got a new trick to teach me? ;)

KarenG -- It was kind of scary at first, but since I was (mostly) normal when I held my head upright, I wasn't worried about something like a stroke. I'm just hoping it turns out to be a one-time experience.

Plus, I think I can squeeze a scene out of it my WIP. (Aren't writers weird? Everything is a research opportunity.)