THE FIX UP releases today!

You read that right. TODAY!

I know. Sounds like it could be one of my books, huh? But no, it's not a Ciel Halligan book. Though it's such a hot and hilarious read I'd totally take credit for it if I thought I could get away with it. Alas, it has the rightful author's name right there on the cover, so I suppose it would be pointless for me to claim authorship ... unless, wait ... would anybody buy that my new pen name is Tawna Fenske? 

*sigh* I thought not. Too bad.

Still, since it is such a hot and hilarious read (like all of Tawna's books), and I am such a nice person (no, really, I am--hey, stop snickering!), I'm going to tell you where you can find this fantastic read. And, because Tawna's blog post today is all about confessing laziness, I'm going to do it by telling you to click here. 

Seriously. Click. Go. Enjoy! You might even win an Amazon gift card! Worth enough to pay for the book, with a little left over! Honestly, with all you do for others, don't you deserve a little something-something for yourself?

Hope you're all in the middle of a Happy Holiday Muddle, like I am. But no matter how busy you are, remember -- "me" time is important to your sanity. And *cough* reading is great "me" time. 

Tell you what. In the giving spirit of the season, I'm going to give one lucky commenter here a digital copy of The Fix Up. Just say hi (or ho-ho-ho!) below, and you'll be entered. :D 

P.S. Bonus points if you share a way you've been naughty this year.


Edited to Add: The contest is now closed. I threw the names in a hat and pulled out ... *drum roll*... Susan Flett Swiderski! Susan, I know you're going to enjoy Tawna's latest. Get ready to laugh!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH, PATTY BLOUNT!

So, a writer buddy of mine is having a birthday soon. One of the biggies. You know, the kind that ends in a zero. This one begins with a five, so it's extra special, which is why she's getting a whole month's worth of celebration for it. Including, of course (because this is a Wednesday on my blog), this:

If you don't know Patty, you can check out her Amazon page here. As you can see, she's written quite a few books, both YA (Young Adult) and Adult fiction. Trust me, they are good. 

Anyway, Patty, for some reason, is finding this birthday to be a bit of a challenge. So a bunch of us are helping to ease the sting by showing her it's not all bad. (Check out Patty's Virtual "30 Days of 50" Birthday Party here.)

See, it's all about the attitude. About putting the right spin on it:

There. Doesn't sound so bad now, does it, Patty? Everything is more palatable with chocolate. 

Also, birthday greetings from the right person can soften the blow:

And if that doesn't help, you can always wear this:

Seriously, Patty, don't worry about it! The fifties are fabulous! Take it from one who knows from experience. Lots and lots of experience. ;)

And if all that doesn't help, there's always pure escape. Might I recommend a little "vacation" with Ciel, Billy, and Mark to help put it out of your mind? A signed copy of The Big Fix will be heading your way shortly. Because if fifty isn't fun ... fuhgeddaboudit!

#ThrowbackThursday: Goosey Gourds and Naughty Poetry

Thursday again? Already??

Huh. Funny how that happens on such a regular basis. One might almost say weekly. 

Anyhoo, how about another Throwback Thursday post? Here's one from October 2011 that particularly amused me (three guesses why): 

And the wiener is...!

You know, some women have to settle for getting flowers from their significant others, and then only on special occasions. But not me. Nope, my TG knows the best way to worm his way into my heart is via my funny bone, so he brought home this for me instead...

...just because he knew it would make me laugh. Plus, gourds are seasonal. Who doesn't need a good seasonal laugh? (I'm thinking of putting a knee-high stocking on it, and seeing if I can make visitors blush. Then again, my in-laws might come over unexpectedly, so maybe not.)

TG's gift inspired a visit from my muse's evil, limerick-spinning twin, who planted this in my brain:

There once was a gander, so fine,
Who saw a watermelon stuck to a vine.
It was lust at first sight--
So he goosed it all night--
And the result is apparently mine.

Okay, okay...enough about my peni--er, goose gourd. On to what you're really waiting for!

Thank you all so much for cracking me up with your entries to the Angry Camel Caption Contest! They really got me giggling. So much so that I had to ask TG to help me decide the wiener...er, I mean, winner.

We both zeroed in immediately (and, knowing us, unsurprisingly) on...

*drum roll*

"I don't care WHO Catherine the Great is! I'm not in the mood!"

Dianne, if you'll email me your address [linda(dot)grimes(at)gmail(dot)com], I'll send you your prize, which is not only dumb and edible, but also in keeping with the October Halloween season.

Why, YES! That is a glow-in-dark Jack-o-lantern Pez dispenser (complete with Pez candy) and a package of ghost Peeps!*

Dianne, you lucky so-and-so, do realize how jealous all those other entrants are now? I know! It's tough to envision the extent of their envy.

Oh, and since conventional blogging wisdom dictates one should always end a post with a question or two for the readers:

How do you like my gourd? Do you have a gourd, too?

Bonus third question: Is your gourd bigger than my gourd?


*Dying plant included in pic only for atmosphere, and not part of the Pez/Peeps Prize Package.

[Back to the present]

Sadly, my gourd has long since withered. I'll have to look for another one, because I really miss it. Seriously, it was quite the conversation starter, and such a poetic inspiration! 

May the Halloween Fairy bring you all lots of candy! Or gourds. Gourds are fun, too.